February's challenge ~ GZ makes a start

[gecko zzed]

As I was reading the terms of the challenge, almost straight away a line popped into my head:

"I walked in shoes made of lead".

I don't know what inspired that line, but it seems like a reasonable one to start off with. But to make it fit the metre better, it is now:

"I shuffled in shoes made of lead"

Uh oh . . . more poignant melancholy looming by the look of it. Oh well.

I made myself a coffee, and went outside to sit in the sun so that I could await the arrival of more possible lines. Like sparrows coming in to feed, a few dropped down on plaintive wings.

"I shuffled in shoes made of lead
Forsaking the comfort of a bed
The mist hung low
beneath the moon's pale glow
The empty road lay straight ahead."

Well, there is a first verse. It's a bit awkward at the moment, but refinement will come.

However, like the road ahead, I have a direction to go with this challenge.

I'm out alone at night for some reason, not feeling too happy, and it's generally cold and miserable. All will be revealed . . . to you . . . and importantly, to me, as I now leave to do more pondering.

[up-fiddler]

...guessed that you would be the first to have inspiration strike. We look forward to your entry.

[gecko zzed]

Early in the challenge I quite quickly discovered a first verse:

I shuffled in shoes made of lead
Forsaking the comfort of a bed
The mist hung low
beneath the moon's pale glow
The empty road lay straight ahead

Since then, the only development has been sluggish. I have the start of another verse, but the syllables need further work:

A faulty streetlight flickers its Morse
A coded message seen only by moths
Their orbital plight
A suicide flight
A journey that follows no path

Though there is work to be done on that verse, I'm reasonably satisfied with the thought behind it.

At this stage, I don't know what the song is about yet, I do not have a title, nor any idea for a chorus. However, what is driving it so far is a broad theme of melancholy futility, and images of that.

Whether this is still the case by the end remains to be seen.



nor do I have a title

[gecko zzed]

Progress is still slow.

I've got ideas for a third verse, but it as taken a while.

V3 so far is looking like:

I leant against a wall
beneath a red-brick vault
da dum da dum
da dum da dum
the rain began to fall.

The 'da dum da dum' bits I wanted to be about the moon disappearing behind clouds, but I haven't figured that out yet.

I've also got another start for a third verse, but even less formed.

I leant against the stones,
the ruins like moonlit bones

Still no chorus, still no title, and still no resolution of a theme.

Oh well . . . I expect it will come.

[gecko zzed]

Still crawling like a snail through molasses.

A few more lines:

The soles of my shoes
Are nearly worn through
From treading the cracks in the street
My collar is wet
From the rain down my neck
From splinters of ice-needle sleet

[gecko zzed]

On my walk down to the river today a few more words bubbled into my brain

In clouds shredded by storms
The snow crystals fall
To silently cover the land
And chancing my luck
I reach out and clutch
But the snowflake melts in my hand

In all the lines I've got so far, there is a huge chunk of work required to make them fit, for I now have a tune of sorts, and it's a devil of a job fitting it all together.

At the moment, the words reflect more the underlying thought than their final form.

The song has a name now: "Snowflake".

I thnk the last chunk of words is the chorus.

[gecko zzed]

Okay, I've kind of finished. I've got some music worked out. It's a bit experimental, and I've had to mess around with the words to make them fit.

So these are the lyrics at the moment. You will notice that the strict limerick is taking a bit of a beating:

Snowflake

v1
I shuffled in shoes made of lead
Forsaking the comfort of bed
The mist hung low
beneath the moon's pale glow
The empty road lay straight ahead

v2
A streetlight flickers in Morse
A message seen only by moths
Their orbital plight
A suicide flight
A journey that follows no path

ch1
In cloud shredded storm
The snow crystals form
To silently cover the land
And chancing my luck
I reach out and clutch
But the snowflake melts in my hand

v3
I leant against a cold wall
beneath a red-brick vault
my memories fade
as the light turns grey
the snow began to fall.

ch2
The soles of my shoes
Are nearly worn through
From treading the cracks in the street
My collar is wet
From the rain down my neck
From splinters of ice-needle sleet

ch1
In cloud shredded storm
The snow crystals form
To silently cover the land
And chancing my luck
I reach out and clutch
But the snowflake melts in my hand

[Hakea]

OOps... Apologies for commenting too early. Comments removed.

I hadn't picked up that there were rules about waiting until the end of the month, but I just spotted a reference in one of Joseph's posts, so rechecked the challenge.

I belong to another songwriting forum where the exact opposite applies. You're encouraged to comment as much as possible during the building process, in order to assist the writer. That has resulted in some great songs, with multiple improvements being made along the way, before everytbody moves onto the next thing.

I'm very happy to follow whatever is suggested, but why wait until it's all over?

Cheers,

Chris

[gecko zzed]

As I attempt to squeeze these lyrics into the musical destiny I've shaped for them, I find that they're bulging out the sides, so further revisions are needed. Unfortunately (and echoing someone else's thoughts on the difficulty of this challenge), the verses are drifting further away from the limerick format.

Well . . . I think I can live with the consequences of not meeting the challenge rather than the consequences of realising a musical idea even if it sabotages the challenge!

v1
I shuffled in shoes of lead
Forsaking the warmth of bed
The mist hung low
beneath the moon's pale glow
The empty road lay ahead

v2
A streetlight flickers in Morse
A message seen only by moths
Their orbital plight
A suicide flight
A journey that follows no path

ch1
In cloud shredded storm
The snow crystals form
To silently cover the land
And chancing my luck
I reach out and clutch
But the snowflake melts in my hand

v3
I leant against a cold wall
beneath an old red-brick vault
my memories fade
as the light turns grey
the snow . . . began to fall.

ch2
The soles of my shoes
Are nearly worn through
From treading the cracks in the street
My collar is wet
From rain down my neck
From splinters of ice-needle sleet

ch1
In cloud shredded storm
The snow crystals form
To silently cover the land
And chancing my luck
I reach out and clutch
But the snowflake melts in my hand