Song for U to critique! plz :/

[stringtheory]

Hi all, i'm new here. i've been searching everywhere for a decent website to post my music on and i think i've finally found a good site! just looking for some honest criticism, don't hold back! any tips or insight would be very welcome! This is a bit of a rough take so i know there is a lot of mix tweaking to be done, but im interested to hear what you all think of the overall feel of the song. thx in advance. song below...v

http://www.garageband.com/mp3player?...0LdsaSgY1W-Ym8

[WhiteStrat]

This area's more for songwriting--discussion & help concerning lyrics and or structure. If you want input on something that's recorded (i.e. how does this sound?) you should try posting it in the MP3 Mixing Clinic just a bit further down the main page.

[stringtheory]

sry... forgot to mention it doesn't currently have a bass part. i'm using sonar 7. if any of you have it and feel like collaborating that would be awesome.

[stringtheory]

Originally Posted by WhiteStrat

This area's more for songwriting--discussion & help concerning lyrics and or structure. If you want input on something that's recorded (i.e. how does this sound?) you should try posting it in the MP3 Mixing Clinic just a bit further down the main page.

ok, sry about that. i just figured since this song is still in the "writing" stage it would be ok here. i'll move it, or start a thread over there, thx.

[WhiteStrat]

Originally Posted by stringtheory

ok, sry about that. i just figured since this song is still in the "writing" stage it would be ok here. i'll move it, or start a thread over there, thx.

No prob. It just all depends on what you're looking for. If you want input on the lyrics and the writing of the song--leave it here. But if you're looking for critiques on the mix and the recording, try the clinic.

[stringtheory]

Originally Posted by WhiteStrat

No prob. It just all depends on what you're looking for. If you want input on the lyrics and the writing of the song--leave it here. But if you're looking for critiques on the mix and the recording, try the clinic.

...that's hard, because i'm actually looking for a bit of both. as mentioned above i don't have a bass part for the song and i would also welcome input on the lyrics and the guitar part as i'm not completely satisfied with either. anyways i have moved the post over to the other section you suggested. as i said this is my first time posting here and i don't want to step on any toes.

[gecko zzed]

Originally Posted by stringtheory

This is a bit of a rough take so i know there is a lot of mix tweaking to be done, but im interested to hear what you all think of the overall feel of the song.

You mentioned 'rough take', which is an appropriate description. I think your musical ideas are sound, and you've got some interesting things happening there. However, the mix is all over the place, so you do have some work ahead of you to tame it. There's a lot of doodling around on the guitar at the end which doesn't go anywhere. Maybe you're saving this for some kind of intrumental drama at the end . . . but you don't need it.

Your voice reminded me a bit of Ray Davies (Kinks); I sense a similar whimsical eccentricity there, and you could make something out of this.

I found the lyrics a bit hard to pick up, but I sensed it was a 'love gone wrong' song . . . you've gone and left me . . . how could this happen?

There is a danger here. If you are not careful the song could end up as a self-pitying wallow and therefore be no different to the thousands of other songs of similar theme, specially if you make use of words and phrases that likewise appear in those songs.

My thoughts are:

1 Preserve the fundamental musical idea behind this.

2 Work on the mix to get it as cohesive as possible . . .for example, avoid the extremes of panning at the start. Bring the vocals up so that the lyrics can be heard. Your voice has character and doesn't need to be buried.

3 Work hard on the lyrics. I mentioned Ray Davies . . . not a bad example to follow. You might like to think about words or phrases that suggest the theme, rather than directly referring to it. That woould help you keep away from cliches.

I think the song is going to turn out ok, but in my view there is still a way to go yet.

[stringtheory]

ty for your thoughtful input. i'll work on it.

[14yearoldkid]

I like the song man! are those garageband drums?

[stringtheory]

Originally Posted by 14yearoldkid

I like the song man! are those garageband drums?

ty

nope, those are just badly sampled software synth drums

[gtarman59]

gecko zzed, that was really a good reply. Actual suggestions instead of tearing down. Great post.