December Challenge - Frankie

[Frankie Rage]

Well, I only just heard about this some seven and half hours before the deadline of midnight (London time) but I'd like to have a go ... can't go round critiqueing other folks songs without chucking something of my own in the (melting) pot!

I'll have to key this in ad hoc up to midnight so it'll come in fitz 'n' startz!!! It's going to be a rough draft only ... hope that's OK!!!

++++++++++

Our first house

Your pictures hanging on the wall
it doesn't fit there anymore
although your smile is still the same
it's not for me and now the frame
is lying broken on the floor

I smashed a glass and cut my hand
and while I'm trying to deal with that
another bill lands on the mat
reminding me that's all that's left
and that you're never coming home

I broke my heart in this old house
de dum de dum de dum de dum

that's all I've got so far at seven hours or so to go!

Fx

[up-fiddler]

....but we're glad to have you aboard. Welcome to the Challenge. You will have time this month for rewrites and music.

[FrankieRage]

Originally Posted by up-fiddler

...but we're glad to have you aboard. Welcome to the Challenge. You will have time this month for rewrites and music.

Thanks for the welcome...

Songwriting is my big passion in life (after the wife..)

Anyroadup, I have done a bit of rewriting... (still 3 hours to go!!!)

Our first house

I took your picture off the wall
it doesn't fit there anymore
although your smile is still the same
it's not for me and now the frame
is lying broken on the floor

I smashed a glass and cut my hand
and while I'm trying to deal with that
another bill lands on the mat
reminding me that's all that's left
and that you're never coming home

We broke our hearts in this old house
you the North, me the South
'Uptown Girl' was the song
if you'd like to sing along
I can teach you all the words

Not sure about those last four lines (they are just filler for now)

Fx

[dogonjon]

I just wrote this in twenty minutes. Think in the style of Robert Cray. I might try to play it tonight at our gig

In the tank
(verse 1)
Emin
As I sit my mind goes blank
A G
Don't know who to hate or thank
As my heart falls in the tank
I'll take my blues right to the bank
(chorus)
A
Got to find the right way
Emin
Just so I can change my luck
A
Gonna try to write my way
B7
Out of these blues so I can make a buck
(verse 2)
Some how got to find some words
To say how my heart feels
People think I am disturbed
You know it's a lousy deal
(chorus)
(Solo verse and chorus)
(verse 1)
(chorus)
(verse 4x)
Yeah..... baby.....just to change my luck
Ohhhh....honey....gotta make a buck
Got the blues so bad....I can hardly stand
Oooooooowhoo... I'm a sad sad man

[Frankie Rage]

Not bad dogon .. some nice lines in that .. writing a song in the van on the way to the gig and then playing it at the gig is the rock 'n' rollin' road .. can ya dig it?

Fx

[Frankie Rage]

Our first house

I took your picture off the wall
it doesn't fit there anymore
although your smile is still the same
it's not for me and now the frame
is lying broken on the floor

I smashed a glass and cut my hand
and while I'm trying to deal with that
another bill falls on the mat
reminding me it's all that's left
and that you never coming home

We broke our hearts in this old house
You were the North, I was the South
'Uptown Girl' was the song
and if you'd like to sing along
I can teach you all the words