Divers Lament

[Diverdown]

Im very new to all this recording and songwriting but enjoy it
I used to be a commercial diver and felt a need to express my opinion of our subsea environmental situations I observed up here in Nova Scotia
I can only imagine what bigger cities have going on.....
Anyway it is the first song I wrote and recorded
My buddy played bass for me and the drum track is just a preprogrammed out from my yamaha keyboard.
I messed about with the mix but still need to do a few things to get it right perhaps having better much better tracks to begin with , this home recording is very humbeling, please excuse the long intro, i havent got it edited down properly yet
Let me know what yall think!
cheers
Peter
http://www.reverbnation.com/peterkielburger

[gecko zzed]

is a first for me, so you get full marks for originality.

Your recording of the track is pretty good: the guitars sounds smooth and well recorded, the bass is tasteful and the drum pattern suits the feel. It was disconcerting hearing a guitar out of one ear at the start, and I think you would be better served having a binaural balance happening from the start, i.e. have both guitars in all the way.

The song construction and chord pattern was not that exciting; it reminded me of so many others (e.g. Battle of New orleans was one). I was hoping that a new genre of diving songs would emerge; instead of "Country" it could be "Watery".

Lyrically the song tells a tale of diving experience, and is ok as a novelty. It sounds like a good sing-along-around-the-campfire type of thing, which is the flavour I get from the chorus.

So . . . from a technical point of view, you've done a fine job. From an artistic point of view, I expected a bit more, but it is ok for what it is.

[Diverdown]

Thanks for the critique Geko
I find that as time goes by I listen to it with a much more critical ear
and agree with your comments
Its definitely a novelty song and gets me quite a few chuckles when I play it live around here where it is pertinent.

As it was my first creation Ill tuck it away as an accomplishment and
use the hopefully grow with the next
cheers
DD

[Whatmysay]

This is a straight up 2/4 strummer, good work. I’d put a bit of compression on the bass, as it pops up on occasion and it will give it greater presence in the mix. Bring Drum and vocals up a but – maybe a bit more compression on vox to gain a bit of clarity, but not so much that it makes it too hard.

I’d like to hear another instrument line (Mandolin, slide, high-capoed guitar or fidel, all in the genre) as the song progresses – perhaps some change in dynamics (e.g. a soft Vs. pull out drums and strum guitar first beat only) – you need to mix it up a bit as Geeko said it is a fairly straight progression and could do with variety (variety that adds to the prosody of the song, not just for its own sake).

As a first recording it is outstanding – I don’t even listen to my first recordings anymore, let alone publicly share them. I like the panned guitars, I use it and hear it quite often. Keep with it you are definitely on the right track

HTH

Burt