February Challenge!

[up-fiddler]

OK so here is the challenge. Next Friday will be the first of February. Everyone needs to have lyrics for a NEW song ready by then and post them to this thread. Then everyone who posts (And only those who post.) will comment constructively on everyone else's lyrics. Think of it as a useful sort of Ponzi scheme to help us get better. No melodies allowed in the first round of posts. The challenge emphasis will be to develop as lyricists.

At the end of the month individual songwriters may use those suggetions to improve their song or simply grow as an author and write better material next time. This is NOT an American Idol competition. It is a growth tool for each of us to use. The timeline simply forces us to get off our butts and write something by next Friday.

So who's in?????


Dave - http://morehousesongs.com/
Studio - http://www.inthechipsproduction.com/

[mikeh]

I'll bite.

[himynameisbuddy]

I'm in - sounds like fun

[ido1957]

Good idea - I'll give it a try....

[Whatmysay]

I'm particularly attracted to your term 'growth tool', up-fiddler so I am definitely in - nothing like a deadline to get you going

[up-fiddler]

confused with 'tool growth'. Seriously, I'm glad several of us are taking the challenge. Any more interested parties???

[himynameisbuddy]

Sorry this is off-topic, but Upfiddler, I live in Marquette - I do believe we're very close to each other

Just to stay on-topic, I'll have you all know that I started my song today

[up-fiddler]

Originally Posted by himynameisbuddy

I live in Marquette - I do believe we're very close to each other

pm sent

Glad to have you join in.

[Nicole_Rose]

i wasn't sure if i'd be in because i have a hard time writing to a deadline. but i wrote this this morning and just finished the lyrics so here is my entry.

True Love

verse 1 part 1

All there is is you and I, in this lonely world,
no one's ever touched me like you do
The way you laugh the way you smile, the way you look at me
every time you kiss me the world is new

verse 1 part 2

All you've done for me, all you've helped me see
has been the greatest blessing in my life
All I've learned from you, and all you've helped me do
I'm so glad you chose to be my wife

chorus

I've never loved someone the way that I love you
yes it's true
I'll never love someone the way that I love you
you know it's true

verse 2 part 1

All there is is you and I, in this lonely world
you've given me a different world view
Your caring ways your loving days, the way you make me laugh
every time you hug me i'm renewed

verse 2 part 2

All you've given me, and all you've helped me be
has changed the way i feel about this life
You've believed in me, and helped to set me free
I'm so glad you chose to be my wife.

end

there is already a melody and chord structure to this song because i can't write well without those things, but i'll only enter it when we get to that point.

[up-fiddler]

....for getting the first post up. Remember to hold back your critiques until February 2cd. I'm starting to get fired up now. I hope the rest of you feel similarly. Get your posts in by next Friday midnite. I worked on mine a bit this morning but have a ways to go yet..

[AudioClueless]

Interesting idea, I'll jump in so long as I can get something new ready!

[Nicole_Rose]

no other entries yet? come on people

[up-fiddler]

Originally Posted by Nicole_Rose

no other entries yet? come on people

Friday midnite is the deadline. (Don't we all work better that way?) I have one ready for the team to critique but am waiting to see if something else emerges between now and then. Jump in. The water's wet.

[ido1957]

These deadlines are great - forces me to get something done by by a set point in time. I've been on a bit of a hiatus lately, so this has kick started my writing again.....

Here is my submission for the Feb challenge....

************
Leading Me On
************
© Gerry Steele 2008

I found a picture of you and me from way back when
And the memories played on my mind again
In over my head when I laid eyes on you
Didn’t see all your intentions was too easily fooled

You could have had anyone yeah you looked so fine
You said “Be my man” and I went out of my mind
All you told me were lies but it was real to me
Tried to win your love but it was not meant to be

You’re were leading me on.....
You took everything
That you wanted from me
Then you were gone.....
You treated me so cruel
And I’d be a fool
To still want you.....

You just wanted someone who wouldn’t break your heart
You didn’t want what we had to ever get that far
I was good for you, you liked the part I played
You just wanted me there to keep the others away

It was all a disguise you never cared for me
It whispered more than friends when that was all it could be
When you were done with me could have told me yourself
But I had to hear the words from somebody else

You’re were leading me on.....
You took everything
That you wanted from me
Then you were gone.....
You treated me so cruel
And I’d be a fool
To still want you.....

(Bridge)
It was our first kiss (and) it was our last night
Before you broke my heart you know it felt so right
I’m never over you but I still pretend
I’m gonna love you, love you, love you - Baby ‘til the end

(Break)

It was our first kiss (and) it was our last night
Before you broke my heart you know it felt so right
Give me half a chance I’d do it all again
I’m gonna love you, love you, love you - Baby ‘til the end

You’re were leading me on.....
You took everything
That you wanted from me
Then you were gone......
You treated me so cruel
I guess I'm just a fool
To still want you



_________________
My Songs are here

[himynameisbuddy]

ido, there's quite a few lines in there that really grabbed me. I can tell you've written before ! When I was reading the choruses, I could almost hear how I would sing them. That was cool... I enjoyed reading it. I'd like to hear it if it gets recorded.



Alright, here's my crack at it:



My Glove

I was inside my room as it filled up with smoke
I couldn’t breathe, I collapsed onto the floor
The door was locked, no one heard me
My silent screams went heard only by nobody

I realized then, that I was done

My lungs started to fill with the smog
As the partiers danced innocently out in the hall
Not a soul in the world felt my heart stop
Over the blaring speakers that reeked of Tupac

Changes are always something we need,
“But why right now?” was my desperate plea,
Again, my thoughts go completely unheard
Like a bird that lacks a chirp

I realized then, that I was done
And could only think of my only one
My love, my glove, my loaded gun
The only one who’ll know notice I’m gone

Then in comes the light, but it doesn’t feel quite right
Something inside told me I was fine, so
I opened my eyes and to my surprise
I’m on a hospital bed; her hands are holding her head
Her fingers tearing into her skull

She’s sitting there, saying nothing at all
I watch her hair as she’s pulling it out
She’s sitting there, singing one of my songs,
But the only sound that's audible

Are the ones that fall from her crying eyes,
So beautiful, so bright

I realized I was finally alive
I survived because I knew she was mine
My love, my glove, and my divine
She found a way to create time for me

She’d have been so proud of me to make it through,
But my silver-lined cloud was now the deepest of blues
I realized then what I knew that I should do
So I closed my eyelids, and I’ll leave the rest up to you (...I don't like that last line...)



Don't worry about how it will work with music, because I know it looks weird. But I already put music to it, and it works (works really well, surprisingly!).

[mikeh]

Here's my humble submission:

I'm Finally Coming Home

Verse 1
I'm heading down a long, dark road
My journey's almost through
I've traveled for so long alone
Now I'm coming home to you
At times it seemed I lost my way
With dead ends here and there
But I can't ponder yesterday
It's too late to care

Chorus
I can't change things that happened
But I can try to forget
I can only be the man I am
No time for regrets
It's too late to find a different way
I'm on this lonely road
I just hope that I can find you
I'm finally coming home

Verse 2
There's a lot of years I don't recall
It's probably just as well
I hear I've done some awful things
And as near as I can tell
You may not be there to greet me
When I find my way back home
But my journey's almost over
And I don't want to be alone

Repeat Chorus (2x)

Copyright 2008 Michael L. Helgesen
Lyrics & Music by: Michael L. Helgesen

[up-fiddler]

.....The deadline is midnite Friday. Sharpen your pencils or fire up your wordpros. Get something posted for all participants to honestly critique. Everyone here will expose their lyrical souls to the other participants. Everyone involved has a stake in this and and that should make aimless bashing or aimless praising meaningless. Goal:We all get better.

[mikeh]

I propose that since up-fiddler has concocted this interesting process - up-fiddler should cast the first aimless stone.

[Nicole_Rose]

Originally Posted by mikeh

I propose that since up-fiddler has concocted this interesting process - up-fiddler should cast the first aimless stone.

but only if he puts in a submission of his own. otherwise he has to wait in line like everyone else lol

[up-fiddler]

..... an honest stone of critique. I also look forward to getting some of the same back.

Nicole- I have written TWO songs in the last week and I am trying to decide which one to submit. One is commercial the other runs to the darker side. I will decide and have it online for all involved by tomorrow.

[drummerboy_04AP]

sorry, off topic again, but this is now three yoopers in one topic!

Calumet representin!

[Whatmysay]

Originally Posted by drummerboy_04AP

sorry, off topic again, but this is now three yoopers in one topic!

Calumet representin!

Whats a yooper?

[drummerboy_04AP]

opposite of a troll

nah, someone who lives in Upper Michigan

[Nicole_Rose]

Originally Posted by up-fiddler

..... an honest stone of critique. I also look forward to getting some of the same back.

Nicole- I have written TWO songs in the last week and I am trying to decide which one to submit. One is commercial the other runs to the darker side. I will decide and have it online for all involved by tomorrow.

that's great. i like dark stuff myself. but hopefully i'll be fairly objective regardless of which one you submit

[up-fiddler]

I choose the dark song on the advise of Nicole. Most people know me for my 'commercial' ballads etc. I also write some of this kind of stuff. I usually don't play out with it though because it depresses the folks who pay the bills. Someday I will have to put them all on an album somewhere. Too many other projects are in the way for now. Here it is and thanks to all who join in the fun. Tomorrow morning I will put all the entries together for easier reading and we can start to lend our insights and perceptions to the various authors.

Brenda's Child
c.Dave Morehouse 2008

Brenda had a baby boy back in ’93.
He simply was the cutest thing that you’d ever see.
He crawled around the living room just like you or me
And he would cry, cry, cry. He would cry

Brenda was a single mom she had to work all night
She always worked the graveyard shift but now it don’t seem right.
She couldn’t watch her boy grow up, out of mind and out of sight.
It made her cry, cry, cry. Made her cry.

In school he sat all by himself, alone with all his friends.
They always picked him for the team. (Right at the very end.)
They should have felt catastrophe just hidin’ ‘round the bend.
Then they would cry, cry, cry. They would cry.

(Bridge)
He found when he went home to play
He didn’t need a team.
He fired his Atari up
And fell in to his dream.
He’d jerk the joystick back and forth
He’d holler, scream, and hoot.
But in the end what he learned best
Was how to point and shoot……..

Slide along the campus wall it’s time for us to go.
All God’s children falling fast, reaping what they’ve sown.
The neighbors see him on the news, say, ”My how he has grown.”
And it makes us cry, cry, cry.
And it makes us cry, cry, cry.
Makes us cry.