Thoughts on these lyrics?

[drummerboy_04AP]

Just started em today, so they need work:

The Great Swap Meet

Ill trade you if you trade me, well all come out to the great swap meet.
You need a lamp, she needs a chair,
well make a deal, make it fair.
its a good place where we can meet,
walk around and see whats neat,

if only theres a similar place to be,
where instead of bikes and broken tv's,
we could exchange feelings and express our needs.

If such a place did really exist,
we'd probly sell all our things and be really pissed,
in reality we need to save some junk,
keep it all locked inside a trunk

[Whatmysay]

I really like the analogy of feelings like junk at a car boot sale - it is I really strong.
Its how you get to it that is difficult.

I can see so many great word plays and secondary illusions – worn out love songs or warped 45s, luggage that no longer travels, assorted broken crockery and promises, telephones that never ring.

What about saving the analogy punch line for the hook in the Ch and the verses could be about how you were at this trash and treasure fair saw this girl (maybe old girlfriend) and did or didn’t talk to her – then you set the narrative going and still keep the great imagery

‘I saw her haggling over the warped 45s
And remember the loves songs that didn’t survive
She saw me and remembered the lost honesty
Amongst the broken promises and chipped crockery’

Ch
If only I could swap those days, like videos for CDs
And traded my feeling fairly, then you’d be here with me
But I turned our treasure into trash when I walked away
And now remembering second-hand a love not for sale

Its not L&M but I hope it helps, at least as an example of what not to do

Burt

[drummerboy_04AP]

thanks for that, gives me some ideas