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Old 03-19-2007
Henry Duthler's Avatar
Henry Duthler Henry Duthler is offline
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Need To Love You

I just wrote this tonight and wanted some opinions on the lyrics...

by Henry Duthler

Don't you tell me that you want me
Don't you tell me that you need me
Don't you tell me that you love me
'Cause I don't want to know, baby
I don't want to feel this way,
I don't want to need to love you,
Anymore

Let me go now
Let me go
Set me free now
Set me free

Tell me if you can
Why you treat me so
It's more than I can stand
More than you'll ever know
So baby don't do this
Don't leave me hanging on
Just why can't you see,
You never left even though you're gone

I don't want you
I don't need you
I don't love you
And I don't want to need to love you, baby

Let me go now
Let me go
Set me free now
Set me free
Let me go now
Let me go
Set me free now
Set me free
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Old 03-19-2007
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This is my first "review" of sorts...and I'll keep it short.

First off, it's VERY tough to critique lyrics as one person's masterpiece is another person's comedy.

With that said, the lyrics in this song have hit every possible love song cliche.

I see where you're going with the chorus. It may be ok to keep with the common rhymes in the chorus, but in my honest opinion, "And I don't want to need to love you, baby," is the only line in this song that actual stands out.

I'm not sure what genre this would be written for, but my knowledge is more in Rock and Pop. If this is written in Pop/Rock, sadly (and don't take this the wrong way) you have no chance of ever getting this published or acclaimed, even with a KILLER melody.

Think outside the box a little bit more. I know what you're trying to say, but try to say it in a way that isn't so familiar.

Good stuff, keep up the good work!
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Old 03-20-2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry Duthler

Tell me if you can
Why you treat me so
It's more than I can stand
More than you'll ever know
So baby don't do this
Don't leave me hanging on
Just why can't you see,
You never left even though you're gone
This I like better than the rest. As pointed out, the song relies heavily on cliche'. Of course there have been songs like "Set Me Free, Why Don't You Babe" by Vanilla Fudge and the Supremes that did very well using the underlying power of cliche. In the long run, if you like it and it still means something to someone in the weeks to come then that's great. Keep writing.
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