The Trap - ready to mixdown?

[Todzilla]

Hey, y'all...

Here's my latest: http://www.toddejones.com/songs/TheTrap.mp3

I'm pretty psyched at how the production is working out on this. The choruses are nice and jangly and ready for the radio, if not for one minor detail. I'm psyched at how the drums and bass are sounding.

But I welcome all constructive and destructive feedback.

Warning, do not listen with your spouse, or if you do, tell her/him you have no idea what this song is about, or why anyone would like it.

Thanks in Advance...

Lyrics:

Dug a hole
Covered it up
With lots of leaves and twigs and little things like seemingly harmless questions
Laid a snare
Put in the bait
A little "Honey" and some "Sugar" so my reflexes were late

She got me in the asshole trap
I'm sinking deeper in this crap
It's like I'm knee deep in quicksand
You'd think by now I'd understand

Might as well get comfy
and settle down with a box of wine
It's pretty obvious, you'd think I'd know the warning signs

Wore a wire
Wrote down what I said
Including things I have to wonder how they leaked out of my head
Got advice
From one of her friends
To corroborate the story as I surrender in the end

I apologize in advance for anything I say or do
to lead you to believe the things you think I'm thinking about you
And I surrender all my verbal shield, all arguments I hereby yield
for that which I would offer merely illustrates your position

[ido1957]

I'd probably remove that lead break and replace it with something else - some other instrument. JMHO.

The line "It's like I'm knee deep in quicksand" sounds stiff/clunky, not as smooth as the other lines phrase-wise....not sure why....

Other than those two items, I think the song's is way up there quality - wise. The writing, production, performance and recording are very good.

[Freddy]

OK.

Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Freddy", and the party of the second part, also known as "Todzilla", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Todzilla) shall exempt the party of the first part (Freddy) from all legal, ethical and moral (and other, apart from the forementioned) strictures or responsibilities as may apply under law (marital or other), the following is offered gratis, without any form of warranty whether expressed or implied.

....


I liked it

I'm not sure about losing the lead. Something a little Zappaish about this.

Good fun (and yes, nice drum sound)!

[Todzilla]

The lead synth solo has produced no middle-of-the-road opinions. Some folks hate the hell out of it as being hopelessly annoying. Others I've played it for think it absolutely kills. Right after I tracked it, I figured it would grate on my nerves shortly and I would replace it with something more mainstream, but I think it may have actually grown on me since.

Thanks for listening!

[VSpaceBoy]

Sounds good to me!

That solo is weirdacool...

[up-fiddler]

Originally Posted by Todzilla

She got me in the asshole trap
I'm sinking deeper in this crap
It's like I'm knee deep in quicksand
You'd think by now I'd understand

Clever! Years ago I spent a lot of time there.