Time Ain't On My Side

[Freddy]

Many thanks for comments on previous efforts, they have helped to tidy stuff up somewhat for me - so I thought I'd try again.

Also apologies for not posting any recordings yet. I finally have some kit and have been going through the learning curve on how to use it, so I should have something soon (when work slows a bit and I use the time to record rather than create!).

Anyway, I'd be grateful for any suggestions to improve my latest effort - Time Ain't On My Side, which is intended to have a jazzy, bluesy feel.

Time Ain’t On My Side

I’ve really done it this time.
I should be sleeping, but instead
It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping
I’m just lying on the bed.
Trace the cracks across the ceiling,
Read the writing on the wall,
The fact is I’m not dealing
With my troubles well at all.

I can almost see you shake your head
And smile that mirthless smile,
And hear you say, “You know, you had it coming for a while”.
My life is on the slide - and time ain’t on my side.

While I’d like to say I’m sorry
I’m past knowing if that’s true,
And I know that I owe plenty
And the bill’s long overdue.
But this vagabond is stealing
Through the shadows of my soul.
His gaze so cold, unfeeling
As the panic takes control.

I can almost see you shake your head
And smile your judging smile,
And hear you say, “You know, you had it coming for a while”.
I have no place to hide - and time ain’t on my side

I hear the bailiff in the hallway,
The hangman on the stair,
Waiting patiently for payment
While the sinner in despair
Traces cracks across the ceiling.
Reads the writing on the wall,
The fact is I’m not dealing
With my troubles well at all.

I bet you’re going to shake your head
‘Cause that would be your style,
And then you’ll say, “You know, he had it coming for a while”.
It’s going to be a bumpy ride - and time ain’t on my side.

[ido1957]

Great Lyrics Freddy.

Only one part that repeats the word sleeping....I'm not sure how that will sound when it's sung but it feel a bit repetitive now...

I should be sleeping, but instead
It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping

I like the way the chorus changes slightly each time. It's got a nice smattering of words like "mirthless" and they don't feel awkward at all - which can be the case with those types of words). Meter is perfect, rhymes are not forced. Great Job!

[mikeh]

The double sleeping line it the only thing that I noticed - thinking the first sleeping could be some other word.

I like the chorus. The 2nd verse is really good.

These are some of the better lyrics (start to finish) that I've seen on this site!!!

[Freddy]

Thank you both very much

That second line was one of the last I changed just before I posted it up, and I'm not sure about it either. I will try singing it a few times, but have a few alternatives too..

I’ve really done it this time,
All because I lost my head.
It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping
I’m just lying on the bed.

or..

I’ve really done it this time,
After all those things I said.
It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping
I’m just lying on the bed.

or..

I’ve really done it this time,
I slipped up and lost the thread.
It’s 4am and I’m not sleeping
I’m just lying on the bed.

I'm leaning towards that last option at the moment.. any suggestions?

[ido1957]

Originally Posted by Freddy

I'm leaning towards that last option at the moment.. any suggestions?

I’ve really done it this time.
I should be sleeping, but instead
It’s 4am and ***INSERT SOMETHING HERE***
I’m just lying on the bed.

I liked the first one you had except for the sleeping, so my vote is change as shown above.... The last of your three revisions is good also.

[Freddy]

Doh! That would be easier too .. well, it gives me more options anyway

Thanks! I'll play with it...

[Freddy]

Hmm.. maybe a slight rework. I'll sleep on it, but ..

It's 4am and I'm not sleeping
I'm just lying on the bed
"You really did it this time"
Says a voice inside my head.

[ido1957]

Originally Posted by Freddy

Hmm.. maybe a slight rework. I'll sleep on it, but ..

It's 4am and I'm not sleeping
I'm just lying on the bed
"You really did it this time"
Says a voice inside my head.

Yes - that works well....