New Song - You will be fine

[Nightfire]

Just wrote this puppy today, was in the mood for it and the music kinda wrote itself. The lyrics however were tough for me. Tell me what you think, I dont have a recording yet, will get one up over the weekend.

This was written about a friend how is in rehab right now, havent seen him for 3 months.

You Will be Fine (Copyright 2007, Mike Duerksen)

V1
The skies all look so gray, its a rainy day
There's no-one here to see me quietly pray
If only you could break out of your shell
your heart is like an empty prison cell

Chorus
Sometimes I look into your hopeless eyes, and catch you by suprise
I see a world of pain in sad disguise
But you will be fine

V2
I cant remember what it was you said
We both knew you were in over your head
I said I'd help you anytime my friend
Yet somehow even promises proved dead

Chorus
Sometimes I look into your hollow eyes, and see right through your lies
A broken road that led to your demise
But you'll be fine
Yeah you'll be fine
You'll be allright,
We will be fine


Mike

[ido1957]

Mike, It's great when a tune comes together so quickly and easily. Maybe it's because it's a subject that is very familiar to you and also meaningful/serious (friend/rehab/loss/recovery).

The song talks about pain but has a positive final outcome....good storyline.

Originally Posted by Nightfire

your heart is like an empty prison cell

Interesting simile.....

Originally Posted by Nightfire

Yet somehow even promises proved dead

Dead - has a definite tone of finality

Originally Posted by Nightfire

We will be fine

Good choice of words here....
Tells the reader that this involves both of you....
The friendship as strong and resilient despite the problems
This is the positive conclusion....

Looking forward to hearing the recording......

Good Job....

[VGreen]

Mike,

Those are nice lyrics. I'll forward to the music.

V

[up-fiddler]

Originally Posted by Nightfire

J
Chorus
Sometimes I look into your hopeless eyes, and catch you by suprise
I see a world of pain in sad disguise
But you will be fine


Chorus
Sometimes I look into your hollow eyes, and see right through your lies
A broken road that led to your demise
Yeah you'll be fine
You'll be allright,
We will be fine

I like the emphasis on the end of the second chorus so much that I would probably use it every time through.

But you'll be fine

Instead of the informal "you'll" use "You Will" again. and add

Yeah you'll be fine
You'll be allright,
We will be fine

to the first chorus also. I can't wait to hear this one set to music. Nice effort.

[Nightfire]

Heres the rough copy, keep in mind Im using crappy gear. I know I need to work on my vocals and also ignore the bass line, Im not a bass player, picked one up yesterday and figured I'd give it a go.
www.myspace.com/mikeduerksen

Mike

[ido1957]

Hey Mike,
This sounds pretty good... The words flow nicely with the chords you've written.

It has a bit of 50's or 60's flavor in the chorus...folk and R & R combined... Maybe a bit of Dylan in there?

Nice to hear the music with the words, it completes the picture for me.....