Hermione and Something Special

[Freddy]

Two songs I am working on (well, lyrics anyway). I have an initial progression for each but not even a rough recording ready yet.

Help me on the lyrics please!

First: Hermione - Fledgling lyric for an outline song put together last night. All suggestions welcome. I am thinking of changing musically in the third verse, as I don't see a natural bridge yet.

It hit her as she reached the door
Some half-remembered long before
A disinfected corridor
Tiles of black and white
Her shiny shoes, the iron bed
The patient hanging by a thread
Something that the old man said
Maybe he was right

Hermione is ready to go home

For years her oft-repeated prayers,
That nightgown that she always wears,
The double bed she never shares,
Are rituals that she keeps.
Nothing ever unforeseen
The pillow’s soft, the sheets are clean
She keeps the usual routine
Escapes it as she sleeps

Hermione is ready to go home

The days are long. The nights are tough.
Her effort’s never good enough
She always sweats the little stuff
And dreams of being free

And lovers so long overdue
Who’ll do the things that lovers do
And know the things she’s going through
And know Hermione

Hermione is ready to go home
Hermione is ready to go home


Second: Something Special - Short, 60s pop-style, bluesy number.

I used to think that we had something special
But honey, now I know the score
I used to think that we had something going
Nowadays I’m not so sure
Yeah, I used to think that we had something special
But I don’t think that no more

You seem to think that you’re something special
You don’t seem that much to me
You seem to think your sly games are clever
I’m inclined to disagree
You seem to think that every man should want you
Like it was your destiny

<< Break >>

You seem to think you’re all kinds of pretty
Well, I’ll give you that - you’re sweet
You seem to think you’re oh-so-much better
Than every other girl I meet
Well, since we’re talking, since we’re being honest
Lots of them have got you beat

I used to think that we had something special
But honey, now I know the score
I used to think that we had something going
Nowadays I’m not so sure
I used to think that you were something special
But I don’t think that no more
No, I don’t think that no more
I don’t think that no more


Thanks for any input

[32-20-Blues]

Love the rhyming scheme in Hermione (AAAB, CCCB). It's something I find difficult to do - somehow, I always end up writing in couplets.

The fact that the fourth and eighth lines end with a 'B' rhyme, and are also a beat shorter than the other lines, works well. It brings up the listener - reinforces his attention.

As for a bridge - well, you have plenty of lyrical material to work with. The verse that starts with 'The days are long..' would possibly make a good candidate; for some reason I hear it ascending, with a wurlitzer or something (along the lines of 'For the Benefit of Mr Kite.' , don't ask me to explain why. )

Anyway, nice job on that one. Are you a fan of Tom Petty? Reminds me of him, for some reason.

[ido1957]

32-20-Blues' comments echo my sentiments too - great rhyming structure. Is the girl dying - is that the story behind being in a hospital? That's what I'm getting from the lyrics. Is that the name of the girl from Harry Potter? It's a unique name.... That one is coming along well - keep us posted as to the revisions....

The second one is definitely catchy - I can almost hear a melody just reading through the lyrics (like one of those groups - Herman's Hermits or Turtles or Beatles). The long line folowed by the short (response?) line works really well. This one seems close to completion now...again keep us posted to the updates....

[Freddy]

Thanks for the comments guys.

Hermione - yes, it is a name of a girl in Harry Potter. I had forgotten that!

It also happens to be the name of the daughter of Menelaus and Helen (Helen of Troy). She was raised by her aunt, and Euripedes wrote a play about her jealousy. However, while that is convenient, it has no particular meaning to me.

The song can be taken a number of ways. The hospital experience at the start is meant to be her visiting someone's death-bed while still a child.

The "ready to go home" part could be taken in a number of ways, and it is one of those rare occasions when I quite like it that way

Thanks again.

[32-20-Blues]

Originally Posted by Freddy

The song can be taken a number of ways. The hospital experience at the start is meant to be her visiting someone's death-bed while still a child.

.

I do get a "St. James Infirmary Blues" thing from those lines. Which is good.

[Newbie dude]

i like the songs. But I dunno, I'd be a little hesitant about using the name "Hermione", just 'cause everyone who hears it is immediately gonna ask you" So, it's about harry potter, right?" Well, maybe nt everyone, but most.

[Freddy]

You know, it didn't occur to me before, but (sadly) I fear you may be right.

That's the advantage of posting here.

Hmm.. what to do? I could leave it, but I will play with it and see if an alternative arises. The last line of the last verse makes it more difficult.

Possible options? Persephone? - nah. Penelope? - don't like that either.

Maybe "Emily", but it needs another syllable. I could use "dear emily" or "sweet emily" (I prefer "dear").

Maybe "our Emily". Here, "our" can refer to a family member. It's a possibility.

[Freddy]

Originally Posted by 32-20-Blues

Anyway, nice job on that one. Are you a fan of Tom Petty? Reminds me of him, for some reason.

Not particularly, though I have liked the stuff he has done that I have heard. I may have to buy an album, and have a proper listen

[zed32]

the first one reminds me of Edgar Allan Poe

[mikeh]

Both sets of lyrics are good, but Hermione has something "special". The words help to actually picture a setting, the story line is haunting and sufficiently vauge to allow for some personal interpretation (yet it seems to maintain a direction) and the rhymes are clever. I'm impressed!

I normally choose not to suggest improvement to someones else's work unless I truely believe I have something of value to offer (and naturally that the writer actual wants input)- in your case, I can offer nothing, your words are good.

I would not worry too much about the Harry Potter thing (I'm not a fan of the series, but I have seen the movies) - I never made the connection. Hermione is a unique name for a unique lyric. While any name could serve the purpose - if Hermoine is what the muse brought to you - then you should use it.

[Freddy]

Thank you Mikeh. I have to admit that I still like "Hermione", and haven't thought of any suitable replacement, so that is what it will stay as unless something leaps out at me.