New Song ---> I Bid You Adieu

[guitarist_44]

This is a song I wrote about 5 months ago, I thought I would post it because I still play it and relaly like it. Its done on an acoustic guitar, and its kind of folk song with some alternative worked into it. Please feel free to post your honest opinions, thank you, anything is greatly appreciated!

The song is called... I Bid You Adieu

Verse 1:

Everyday people are constantly trying,
Just to make it to the top of the world.
Everyone is so tired of fighting,
Their aching bodies all getting hurled.
Around and around there isn't much I can do
Except stick in the race and hope never to lose.
The trip is a long one, it may never end,
Only one in a million can have managed to win.

Chorus:

I'll climb to the top of the pyramid.
Acending through all of the steps.
I'll never take no for an answer.
Today is a day I will never forget.

Verse 2:

I don't need the money but I'll take all the rest,
Just playing my music is what I do best,
For all my life you will hopefully listen,
To the songs that I write and the memories I'm missin'
Tonight, wooo ooo ooo, That I'm missin' tonight...

Chorus:

I'll climb to the top of the pyramid.
Acending through all of the steps.
I'll never take no for answer.
This is something I'll never regret.

Verse 3:

So now I have made it,
Theres not much to do,
I'm sitting here waiting,
Waiting for you.

You will never come,
I know this is true,
As I lay in my grave,
I bid you adieu.




THANK YOU AGAIN!

[sweetpeee]

Adieu sounds french...not the most popular people among some U.S. citizens at the moment...political reasons. I was just at the movie theater where this chick was on the screen trying to sell something dressed like a poodle complete with a french accent.Don't know what marketing genius came up with that one. Yeah...I know it's minor,just thought I'd point it out.

Everyone is so tired of fighting,

Their aching bodies all getting hurled.

I don't know quite what, but something about "hurled" here strikes me as odd.

Only one in a million can have managed to win.

To me, "can have managed" doesn't work.

Today is a day I will never forget.

Why today? There's nothing in the song up to this point that deals with a certain day. You use "this is something I'll never regret" and that works much better where it is.

As I lay in my grave,

Whoa...wasn't expecting that. That may or may not work to your advantage. 1) it was unexpected 2) it's morbid.

lyrics are a personal thing. I wouldn't put too much into any critique including mine. Take it with a grain of salt.

J.P.

[chadman15]

Adieu sounds french...not the most popular people among some U.S. citizens at the moment...political reasons. I was just at the movie theater where this chick was on the screen trying to sell something dressed like a poodle complete with a french accent.Don't know what marketing genius came up with that one. Yeah...I know it's minor,just thought I'd point it out.

yes u are correct... but all the more reason to put it in the title...(to stir it up a little )
maybe he meant to have "adieu" in there... yes no?

[sweetpeee]

Originally Posted by chadman15

yes u are correct... but all the more reason to put it in the title...(to stir it up a little )
maybe he meant to have "adieu" in there... yes no?

I'm sure he meant to have adieu in there,but probably not to stir up politcal resentment....if I were using the title for a song, it would probably be about france and how politics seperate nations..."we can't use french air space?...well adieu france,btw...your welcom for WWII".

The example I gave of the girl dressed as a poodle complete with a french accent? I dismissed it immediately and couldn't tell you what she was selling. I feel the same about french words in song titles. That's just my opinion.

Do you have any comments about the song other than my response?

[guitarist_44]

Wow, you really laid it out, which is great.

This... "Only one in a million can have managed to win." ... was a typo.

The chorus (today) is kind of a sperate part, its the same. The verses are like the story, and the chorus is like, real time, its hard to explain. If you have ever seen the movie foresst gump, then its set up kinda the same, not intentionally though.


But once again, thank you for the critisiam, it is appreciated and will be taken into consideration.

[ido1957]

Originally Posted by guitarist_44

This is a song I wrote about 5 months ago, I thought I would post it because I still play it and relaly like it. Its done on an acoustic guitar, and its kind of folk song with some alternative worked into it. Please feel free to post your honest opinions, thank you, anything is greatly appreciated!

The song is called... I Bid You Adieu

Verse 1:

Everyday people are constantly trying,
Just to make it to the top of the world.
Everyone is so tired of fighting,
Their aching bodies all getting hurled.
Around and around there isn't much I can do
Except stick in the race and hope never to lose.
The trip is a long one, it may never end,
Only one in a million can have managed to win.

Chorus:

I'll climb to the top of the pyramid.
Acending through all of the steps.
I'll never take no for an answer.
Today is a day I will never forget.

Verse 2:

I don't need the money but I'll take all the rest,
Just playing my music is what I do best,
For all my life you will hopefully listen,
To the songs that I write and the memories I'm missin'
Tonight, wooo ooo ooo, That I'm missin' tonight...

Chorus:

I'll climb to the top of the pyramid.
Acending through all of the steps.
I'll never take no for answer.
This is something I'll never regret.

Verse 3:

So now I have made it,
Theres not much to do,
I'm sitting here waiting,
Waiting for you.

You will never come,
I know this is true,
As I lay in my grave,
I bid you adieu.




THANK YOU AGAIN!

Classic struggle of mankind to reach for the top - good choice for a song.
After reaching the top, realizes that the only thing he/she wanted was the partner to be there. Realizing this will never be he succumbs (after how long we don't know).

The verses are all different patterns/# words/syllables so this should be an interesting tune due to the changes.

I made a few suggested edits below that I just thought might work. No need to change anything though, especially if you've got this working ok now from a performance standpoint.

Post a link when you get a chance....

I thought I had a MySpace link for you but I've lost it (or maybe it was someone else). If you have one can you post it and PM me? Thanks!

Suggested Edits:

Except stick in the race and hope never to lose.
Except stay in the race and hope never to lose.

Only one in a million can have managed to win.
Only one in a million will ever manage to win.

Today is a day I will never forget.
- a bit out of context

This is something I'll never regret.
- better, more in context

I'm sitting here waiting,
I'm lying here waiting,
- later he talks about lying in the grave- sitting/lying are a bit conflicting

[guitarist_44]

Wow, thanks alot, you nailed it, and your suggestions are great.

I am probably going to use most, if not all of them.

SO ya, thanks again!