Song called Is it real. need critique on lyrics and arrangement

[Anthrax]

Hey guys,

its funny how u make a thread about not being able to write lyrics, then you start spitting them out.

the song is called Is it real

Lyrics -

it needs to be real
so we dont get something fake
just the way it makes us feel
makes us need it right away

and it comes and it goes

chorus
look into my eyes
is what you see, what you feel
dont say yes, dont say no
is it real

making choices is not hard
cause most times we just change them
if we followed them each time
heading ways we never wanted

the song is here
http://home.swiftdsl.com.au/~robert1234/songs/isitreal/

isitreal192.mp3 (right click and save as)

i'd love some feedback on the lyrics and arrangement

[Anthrax]

i did the vocals again, the new file is on there now.

[Anthrax]

thanks for the feedback

[andyhix]

OK, I'll comment.

Lyrics - really mean nothing to me. They don't eveoke any sort of emotion. If they are about a specific situation in your life, you need to add more detail. Or at least create some imagery to give me something to daydream about. As it is, I close my eyes and listen, and all I see is a black empty void. There's no substance.

The arrangement is fine. verse chorus verse chorus chorus. It's worked for a gazillion other songs.

Performance - The main guitar riff during the verse gets a bit repetitive. I might be inclined to add a few sparse lead fills here and there, maybe nessled between vocal lines, or whatever.

Recording. The vocals are too dry for my taste. I would splash a bit of reverb on them, and maybe try to brighten them a bit with a high-mid EQ boost (not neccesarily in that order). Also, if you programmed the drum beat, I would spend some more time making it sound more natural, and a bit more variable. It's too "straight," and really sound a lot like a drum machine. Ideally, they should be louder, but I think that you would be revealing their cheesy nature by boosting them much more, so I don't know what to tell ya.

I think the song has some promise, but maybe needs a bit more time/work spent on it. Keep at it.