Check out this song please...

[Holl]

I wrote this song a little while ago. First I recorded it with drums, two electric guitars and an acoustic with one electric doing the chords and another one doing lead stuff over top. It was ok, but I don't think it gives the feel that the song should have. I'd like to get opinions on how people would arrange this song, what instruments to add, what to play, etc. Also comment on the songwriting, I just started writing about 8 or 9 months ago so I'd like some advice.

Here's the song, it's sort of loosely based on the stones' Wild Horses but I like to think of it as an homage, not a rip off:

http://www.lightningmp3.com/live/file.php?fid=1324

Lightningmp3 cut it in half, which is OK I geuss. The clip is enough to judge the song by.

Thanks everyone.

[Twinky]

Heya hon...I'm not gonna pick on the arrangement cos that isn't really my thing except to say that the start was very very very slow with those bar breaks in it. What I will say is...you have a nice voice but what you have to watch is when you are slurring from one note to another...your intonation is off on a number of occasions...but I'm pretty sure it's just because youre not supporting your breath enough. Watch the word "horses" your pitch falls a little whenever you sing it but its a deceptive vowel.

I hope you don't get growlly with me pointing it out...I just know that if it were the other way around I'd like to know.


Luffs - Twinks *snogs*