Any thoughts on this lyric?

[Disposable]

The Tempest
© 2004 Justin Shapcott

I
Dark clouds align on the sky-line,
But, the tempest lies in wait,
For the perfect moment,
To release his rage.

II
The fate of Man lies in his hands.
Piss him off, and start the plan...

III
A Wall Of Dust; A Pending Flood,
Now It’s Too Late To Repent,
He Will Not Relent...

IV
The fate of Man lies in his hands.
Piss him off, and start the plan...

V
The Wrath Of God...

[andyhix]

Originally Posted by Disposable

The Tempest
© 2004 Justin Shapcott

I
Dark clouds align on the sky-line,
But, the tempest lies in wait,
For the perfect moment,
To release his rage.

II
The fate of Man lies in his hands.
Piss him off, and start the plan...

III
A Wall Of Dust; A Pending Flood,
Now It’s Too Late To Repent,
He Will Not Relent...

IV
The fate of Man lies in his hands.
Piss him off, and start the plan...

V
The Wrath Of God...

Well, I was interested enough to look up the word "Tempest" in the dictionary...but it only made me more confused by your "lyric." I do like the first line. the "piss him off" bit, though, is quite juvenile sounding. And the rest doesn't say much that gets me too excited...

Then I started thinking, what is a "lyric" exactly(v. "lyrics")? Is it just one word? one line?

[Disposable]

In my mind God is juvenile...

Anywho, thanks for your thoughts.

[andyhix]

Originally Posted by Disposable

In my mind God is juvenile...

-Now THAT I like. Seriously. If that's what you're getting at, don't be afraid to say it. it's got controversy, but makes you think.