trainsongs critique

[Bobby Darko]

Hey folks,
i already posted these songs a while a go, but there's a new site and I would like some criticism. These are not my songs, they're my friends, i just recorded them on my 4 track. Feel free to say what you think...Especially the lyrics part, because we're dutch and I'm not sure the English is correct at times.

http://www.woodyandpaul.com

[philboyd studge]

Not bad....and it's a nice site. Your English and diction seem fine....couldn't tell your Dutch.

[Bobby Darko]

well, ok, but why is it not bad? What are the weak points?

[philboyd studge]

Originally Posted by Bobby Darko

well, ok, but why is it not bad? What are the weak points?

Theme and feel are good. Songs are slow to develop and need difinitive hooks. In other words, when I think back to what I listened to yesterday I don't remember anything specific other than it seemed pleasant....I don't think that's your goal.

[Cosmic]

Hi Bobby,

I listened to "You are so real".
Very enjoyable melody, the minor key riffs catch you right from the start. A bit of gypsy jazz feel there, good rhythm guitar playing.

Vocals: well sung, but I feel you are holding back a bit. Wailing a bit more couldn't hurt.

Perhaps do a harmony vocal for the choruses, to fatten things up a bit?

The ending peters out a bit in terms of structure; you might fade a bit sooner, or, barring that, let the song do a full stop. With this kind of shuffle beat, a full stop is quite effective.

If you are thinking of doing a full arrangement of this, here's my take:

Put a harmony vocal on the choruses.

Get a stand-up bass (or use an electric one), brushed snare drum and someone who can play a jazzy-bluesy violin for texture and this thing will absolutely COOK!

I really enjoyed this; I'd love to hear it at "the next level".

Best,

CC

[travelin travis]

listened to the first 2 so far. diggin it.