New song, first writing attempt

[gtar02]

Hi. I've written songs with a band before, but never all by myself. This is my first attempt. I recorded it for an assignment for a class at school. I mixed it on my crappy computer speakers, so I apologize for the badness in the mix. It may be little bass heavy. Tell me what you think. Thanks much

song46
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/1/linususmusic.htm

[Stavencrows]

The main problem I have is those drums. If that's what you wanted it to sound like, fine but I immediately hated them. I’ve got the same problem in that I can’t avoid using synthesized drum loops and my compositions are always lacking because of this but you should be able to find a better sample than that. The actual beat didn’t fit the song genre either, is it a generic one you picked or did you write it yourself because I’d bet on the former.

[gtar02]

It was a sequence I wrote myself. I didn't write it for that song in particular, but I was tryiing out the song with different beats I had made and this one seemed interesting. It was something different and shaped the song in a different and unexpected way.

[EdWonbass]

I'm not entirely hating the drums. I love the chords and the vocals. Pretty neat song, kind of haunting in a way.

I can't tell from my craptop i mean laptop speakers but I think the drums could have come up and the guitars down some. I will give it another listen later on some better speakers.
Keep writing man.