Session From The Bowels of Heck

[Cloneboy Studio]

Just got out of an excruiciatingly bad session. This one was tragic. Three piece rock band--drums, guitar, bass. Guitarist and bassist sing. Both of the singers were FIRST RATE--total pro's that cut awesome vocals in a few takes that sound amazing. Guitarist was pretty good--definately above average. Bass player was solid as well with good chops and knowing when to keep it simple.

So what's the problem you ask?

WORST DRUMMER EVER.

This guy was in his late 40's and seemed like he'd done way too many drugs. He constantly forgot where he was in the song (even though the singers were giving him guide tracks including guitar and bass!!), he'd stop midway thru a beat and go "sorry, I forgot what I was supposed to play" when what he was supposed to play was more kick-snare-kick-snare 4/4 beats like he does thru each song. He had bad tempo and timing, hit the toms like a pansy, and had this lifeless feel to his drums.

The *worst* element was that every dozen or so hits of the high hat (8th notes) he'd somehow miss one, or forget it or something. It was *so* godawful.

I have no idea how such a talented guitarist and singer can tolerate this lunkhead's suck. I mean, these guys had good songs, cheesy but commercial lyrcis, good playing, great voices (harmonies and everything) all on top of a guy that sounds like a failing first year drum student.

Frighteningly the guy had an expensive beech Yamaha drum kit that was immense. It sounded great after I had tuned it... and then he stepped on the kit and it became obvious that someone put the "SUCK" knob on 11.

If there's any interest I'll post a link to the song when they finish up some of the parts. Thankfully I passed the mixing duties on to someone else. Tracking this was soooo annoying.

[Blue Bear Sound]

Didn't Mixerman write about him... called him "Cotton" I think!!!

[AdrianFly]

Careful what you say about that drummer! You'll regret it later when they are on MTV and that drummer doesn't return your calls.

The next time they arrive, meet them at the street, alley, or out in the parking lot. Offer to carry the drummers gear in for him and then set it up. Call the drummer by his last name.. not first. Such as, "Yes Mr. Peart... right away Mr. Peart.. anything you want Mr. Peart." Let the drummer blow his nose in your shirt if he feels the need. Have a candy dish ready for the drummer filled with M&M's.. but make sure all the green ones are picked out. After the session offer a back massage to the drummer.

A good attitude with lots of brown-nosing will get you very far in this business.

[boingoman]

Many musicians like that who keep their places in bands often have hidden talents. They usually

1) Get the drugs for the band
2) Get the chicks for the band
3) Get the chicks on drugs for the band
4) Own the van
5) Have money

[HangDawg]

Originally Posted by boingoman

Many musicians like that who keep their places in bands often have hidden talents. They usually

1) Get the drugs for the band
2) Get the chicks for the band
3) Get the chicks on drugs for the band
4) Own the van
5) Have money

6) Own the PA

[Track Rat]

Originally Posted by HangDawg

6) Own the PA

I'm hip.

[Middleman]

Old guys need more sleep. Maybe he was tired.

I have noticed that people who work all week and then record on the weekend sometimes can't pull it together on a Saturday.

People that don't have a job, tend to be depressed and have little to offer in terms of energy.

Or, maybe he was at the peak of his game and he has no talent, that happens too.

[Cloneboy Studio]

Originally Posted by Blue Bear Sound

Didn't Mixerman write about him... called him "Cotton" I think!!!

I kept thinking to myself that 'this is Cotton in 25 years'. It didn't help me keep a straight face. At least the guy would play his kick when you told him to when setting up sounds and didn't play the drums when I was in the same room as him without asking first.

In all other respects this guy was definately Cotton material.

[jeff5xo]

Originally Posted by Cloneboy Studio

I kept thinking to myself that 'this is Cotton in 25 years'. It didn't help me keep a straight face. At least the guy would play his kick when you told him to when setting up sounds and didn't play the drums when I was in the same room as him without asking first.

In all other respects this guy was definately Cotton material.

I wonder what ever happened to Cotton and the rest of Bitch Slap. Didn't cotton turn into a "keyboard player"

[MadAudio]

Part II of the diaries have started at ProSoundWeb, but since Mixerman hasn't been posting regularly, it's hard to say. The last post MM made was an apology for not posting in over 10 days, but doesn't say when the next installment will be.
Does anyone here know who Mixerman and Bitch Slap really are? It's killing me!

[Cloneboy Studio]

Originally Posted by MadAudio

Does anyone here know who Mixerman and Bitch Slap really are? It's killing me!

Rumor has it that Bitch Slap was the band Nine Days and Mixerman was Eric Sarafin. This seems relatively solid because:

-Lead singer plays guitar and is named Johnny... who wears vintage style t-shirts like Led Zeppelin in a lot of photos

-Originally from the NY/NJ area (MM states he had worked with the singer/guitarist before and in the diaries states his familiarity with the NY scene)

-Had a big hit with "Absolutely (Story of a Girl)" in 2000

-Were on a small record label and ended up on Epic/Sony who released their first CD (not recorded by label) around 1999/2000 when they were becoming a hot commodity

-Were later dropped by Epic/Sony around 2002ish without a full follow up CD (just a few songs that ended up on a soundtrack or two)

-Eric Sarafin definately was recording Nine Days

-The old Nine Days website (now offline) had a post from Eric Sarafin where the tone and wording was totally Mixerman-esque and mocking the band

-Eric Sarafin is a stocky individual judging by the one photo I saw online at the old Nine Days website, fitting MM's description by Lance as larger than normal

-Nine Days' drummer, Vincent, *does* look like a dumbass in photos! Indeed.....

**********

Things that don't fit the MM diaries:

-Nine Days went on tour with Third Eye Blind after being picked up by the label

-Nine Days had a keyboardist listed as a band member

[Cloneboy Studio]

Here is the text from the posting by Eric Sarafin from the old Nine Days website (cached in Google):

Dec 7 DAY FIVE
Eric Sarafin here. I've been asked to provide my thoughts to you adoring fans, or people that despise Nine Days whichever you happen to be.

I've been recording this band for over four days now, and I've been sick as a dog. If this is the last record I ever make, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm currently surviving on Claritin, Sudafed, Dayquil, Cough medicine, and Red Bull. The odd thing is, I can hear better than usual on these over the counter dugs, and I'm considering operating in this manner at all times.

The band has been allot of fun. Being a New Jersey transplant in LA I rarely get the opportunity to exchange with people the way that I have with Nine Days. The guitar player Brian, provides me much enjoyment with his :What the Fuck this, and What the fuck that!" or "Where the fuck is". I of course, respond, "Shut the fuck up, ya mook." I think hey enjoy that, although , they don't understand mook. I guess I've been here too long.

The mild mannered John, Tells me to "Fuck off" all the time. The Producer, I mean genius Producer, Ron Aniello, who we may not look at directly, or at least with only one eye, is concerned with our exchanges. He feels I should be more appreciative of the band giving me a job. Fuck them, I don't need this shit.

The drummer, Vinny, I know you all know who's who, but fuck that, I'm going to express myself as I feel fit, Just shot me with a fucking rubber band, because he;'s incapable of communicating a simple thought, that is clear, concise, and understood. Now I'm going to make his drums sound like shit on the next song. This is how I keep this band in line.

Jeremy, Scheremy.

Nick, he's great.

Well, I know you'd love to hear more, but I'm being called into the control room to try and save their sorry assses. So what else is new.

I love these guys.

Erico

Now seriously... tell me that isn't a string of odd coincidences?

[MadAudio]

Thanks, Cloneboy! I got sucked in to the story and even bought the hardcover edition. (There are now 4 people in line to borrow it!) Still makes me laugh.

[Cloneboy Studio]

Further interesting tidbits are the producer for that session, Ron Aniello (Barenaked Ladies, Lifehouse) plays guitar and has mixing credits ("...very hands on producer").

The more you look into it the more certain one becomes that Bitch Slap = Nine Days.

If you listen to their music it makes more sense. Total corporate schlock that sounds overproduced that *could* sell millions. Could.

[MadAudio]

Hmmm. I just read something on MusicPlayer.com's Expert Forums, and saw the following.

"One last thing, I understand that many of you think that I am Mixerman. Since this rumor has not seemed to negatively imapact my career in any way, I'm perfectly fine with you thinking that.

Eric Sarafin"

Also read some speculation that Willy Show is Rick Rubin.

[lumbago]

Once worked with a drummer who used to hit 17 semiquaver tom fills in the last bar of each 16 bar section. The 18th semiquaver in the same bar was a rest beat - while he paused to contemplate the glory of his work, draw breath, then continue. The band all knew to add an extra quaver ever 16 bars and were unremitting in their accommodating this drummer.

Two words. Click track. Spend the obligatory 15 minutes tracking the talented players, and then spend 4 remaining weeks doing the drum takes.
That's the way to make your point.


Q. How can you tell if a drum riser is level?

A. The drummer dribbles out of both sides of his mouth...

[chessrock]

Originally Posted by Cloneboy Studio

Further interesting tidbits are the producer for that session, Ron Aniello (Barenaked Ladies, Lifehouse) plays guitar and has mixing credits ("...very hands on producer").

. . . not to mention that you'll find that Eric has some piano and keyboard credits on other albums he's either engineered or mixed.

[Cloneboy Studio]

Originally Posted by chessrock

. . . not to mention that you'll find that Eric has some piano and keyboard credits on other albums he's either engineered or mixed.

Chessrock moves in for CHECKMATE!

[LfO]

In imitation of jazzman, I think I'll bump an old thread - not very randomly, though.

Mixerman has said outright that Bitch Slap isn't Nine Days. Anyone want to keep the guessing going? Please? I'm really curious (enough that I bought the book) but I don't keep close enough track of anything to have any of my own ideas

[Chris Shaeffer]

I dunno. I've done a lot of reading, writing, and analyzing of written voice... and that quote from the cached website doesn't have much in common with what I've read of MM's diaries and off the cuff posts. Subject matter- sort of similar. Word choice, tone, and everything else- very different.

The rest of the thread is interesting, too. Good bump.

-C