Writers Block - Help!

[WVsinger]

Working on a nice country ballad. Music is finished. Stuck on lyrics.
Any input would be appreciated.

V1

I see you from a distance
and love you from a far,
each day I dream of ways
to win your heart.
I might be a knight in armor,
on a steed noble and swift.
I would rescue you
the damsel in distress.

Chorus
Come Hell or High Water,
I would prove my love for you.
I would walk across a burning desert,
to spend one night with you.

Come Hell or High Water,
I would swim a raging sea.
And whisper with my final breath
undying love to thee.

Come Hell or High water.

V2
Like in an old time movie,
the hero would be me.
?
?
On a midnight train of mystery,
in another place and time,
?
?
(Chorus)

Bridge
I would climb the highest mountain,
just to look into your eyes.
Or walk into the Gates of Hell
just to hold you one more time.

Come Hell or High Water.

V3
(No Lyrics at this point)

Thanks

[SonarSongwriter]

Like an old time movie
the hero would be me
Here I am again saving
you from the misery

On a midnight train of mystery,
in another place and time,
Were riding this togther
and now finally youll be mine

[metaphor805]

Originally Posted by WVsinger

Working on a nice country ballad. Music is finished. Stuck on lyrics.
Any input would be appreciated.

V1

I see you from a distance
and love you from a far,
each day I dream of ways
to win your heart.
I might be a knight in armor,
on a steed noble and swift.
I would rescue you
the damsel in distress.

Chorus
Come Hell or High Water,
I would prove my love for you.
I would walk across a burning desert,
to spend one night with you.

Come Hell or High Water,
I would swim a raging sea.
And whisper with my final breath
undying love to thee.

Come Hell or High water.

V2
Like in an old time movie,
the hero would be me.
?
?
On a midnight train of mystery,
in another place and time,
?
?
(Chorus)

Bridge
I would climb the highest mountain,
just to look into your eyes.
Or walk into the Gates of Hell
just to hold you one more time.

Come Hell or High Water.

V3
(No Lyrics at this point)

Thanks

WOW Thats a great song once its complete!

[Layla Nahar]

hmm - I don't know if I can help you - but - the images and actions are not real. For my taste, as a listener, lyrics like this would certainly not convince me of someones feelings. In your real life what would you really do? Would you stutter when you talk to the girl? Would you buy a rose? Would you act tough, and maybe embarrass yourself and blow it? These things are much more important to a song. When was the last time you heard a guy speak to a girl saying "thee"? and how many people today ride horses, let alone "steeds"?

What is a train of mystery? perhaps you could expand on that - also on the idea of 'just to hold you again' so many people can relate to the idea of wanting back that person the lost (that person they screwed up with)

good luck. Remember, if its easy to write, it usuallly isn;t that good - only the most typical stuff leaps into your head, especially for the beginning lyricist.

[Aaron Cheney]

Originally Posted by Layla Nahar

hmm - I don't know if I can help you - but - the images and actions are not real. For my taste, as a listener, lyrics like this would certainly not convince me of someones feelings. In your real life what would you really do? Would you stutter when you talk to the girl? Would you buy a rose? Would you act tough, and maybe embarrass yourself and blow it? These things are much more important to a song. When was the last time you heard a guy speak to a girl saying "thee"? and how many people today ride horses, let alone "steeds"?

What is a train of mystery? perhaps you could expand on that - also on the idea of 'just to hold you again' so many people can relate to the idea of wanting back that person the lost (that person they screwed up with)

good luck. Remember, if its easy to write, it usuallly isn;t that good - only the most typical stuff leaps into your head, especially for the beginning lyricist.

My thoughts exactly. "come hell or high water" could be a good hook, but avoid usuing arcane language. Keep the lyrics conversational, and a little more specific. For example: rather than saying "I see you from afar", which is very general and also an overused cliche, try saying "I see you everday through the window at the bank", or "I see you across the wheat fields in my memory".

A

[Garry Sharp]

Aaron - are you sure that last line wasn't meant to be:

"I see you across the sweet yields of my mammaries"?

Just asking

[Aaron Cheney]

Oops... sorry for the typo. It was actually supposed to be "A bee flew across the beet feels of my yam berries."

I'll pay closer attention in the future...

A