A New Song....

[nopoetic]

hey, ive posted on here before so i decide to again since you've all be helpful.
anyway, i have a new song written a few days ago. it probably needs work but im just looking for opinions so far. its not perfect but im not going for that at this point. just tell me what you think, keep in mind the style(s) of music i listen to are sometimes odd and this isnt meant to be a pop song. if you listen to people like Elliott Smith, Nick Drake, Iron & Wine, Death Cab for Cutie, The Cure and basicly a lot of indie rock/lo-fi stuff you might have an easier time getting through to me seeing as pop sometimes is too predictable and im not looking for the everyday, normal suggestions. thanks, sorry if that puts anyone off from commenting.

the song is called "Rest".

http://home.comcast.net/~siriusmusic/Rest.mp3

Download.com - http://music.download.com/orionlofi/....html?tag=list

website - http://www.orionrock.cjb.net

[Shakuan]

Hey,

I like the G-A# structure. But you lost me with that Cm... :\

I would try to find some other type of variation to replace the Cm part.

Make more use of the A#-C-D-D# bass line...

G-A#-C sounds good. G same duration, and split the rest between A# and C if you know what I mean.

I'll make a little clip with my 10$ PC mic if I ever find some time. (It's late and I can't make noise.)

[nopoetic]

heh, yeah, thanks. im not sure what chords im useing honestly because im useing an E, G, D7, E7 and C with a capo on the 3rd fret..i think, im not looking at the guitar right now...anyway. thanks for your comments. i think this song still needs work, the 2nd guitar on the bridge is a little too predictable, like the parts need working on and the vocals are bad, i just lost my voice when i tryed recording it.

[nopoetic]

any new posts?

[Songwriter333]

First, gotta say I commend you on your web site, and on the new song. The lyrics and style are interesting, to say the least. There is much promise for this kind of song, I would think, in your chosen genre. Two possible suggestions in later revisions: 1. Maybe some scratchy electric-distorted lead during the "solo" (felt a little anti-climactic when the natuaral flow seem to be asking for something more), and 2. I would normalize the vocal level to the other instruments, just a tad much I'd say. Keep up the good work!

[Garry Sharp]

I agree with the others' comments, the vocals need to be tamed a bit (I know about this from bitter experience )

Any chance of a bit more harmony - the bit you have is encouraging. Actually I quite liked the guitar break.

Good stuff

[eMTPy]

It's a great start. I really like that bassy riff just after your first verse. I was hoping to hear it some more.

[LimoWreck]

I LOVE IT!!!

I am having a hard time hearing/understanding what you are singing, but I LOVE the sound.

[LimoWreck]

Oh, I want to add... I don't know if the vocals need to be tamed or if it was the quality of the recording.

I thought the vocals were melodic and interesting. I really enjoyed it a lot.... as you can probably tell.

[nopoetic]

wow, im glad more people commented and like the song. heres some more stuff ive finished. the recording isnt perfect, but its getting better.

just right click, save-target as on the files:
http://home.comcast.net/~siriusmusic/files.html

[the Ozlee]

I think it has potential and is worth the effort you have put into it. I don't want to comment on the recording because you didn't say that it was the finished project. Not knowing what you had in mind for the song (something simple as in acoustic guitars and vocals) I think with a little more development of the structure and a good mix and if nothing else you can be proud of what you have created.

Keep the faith, Ozlee

P.S. You should be proud of it anyway.