New at this...what do you think?

[singingdana]

I've never written a song before, and honestly, I don't know how to go about doing it. However, I thought I would give some lyrics a shot...if you have any feedback, good or bad, it is MUCH appreciated. Thank you!

~Dana



I’m fading out
What’s this all about?
Why can’t I breathe?
What’s come over me?

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment can express
Wrapped up in your arms
Wrapped up in all your charms
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real
Should I compress the way I feel?
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

I’m coming undone
Maybe I should run.
I’m so confused
What should I do?

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment could express
Wrapped up in your eyes
My ultimate demise.
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real.
Should I compress the way I feel.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

You have got me wrapped around your finger
Kiss me one more time, I’m yours forever.

I won’t say a word
Don’t want to get hurt
Should take some time.
Clarify my mind.

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment can express
Wrapped up in your smile
Wrapped up in all your style.
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real.
Should I compress the way I feel.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

I’m so far gone, It’s too late now.

[Smile]

Hi Dana Overall I think this is a great start for a lyric..and for your first.. it's very good overall.. just some thoughts for you take or chuck as always.
first it's easiest for others to judge where you want to take the song direction wise if you mark your verses.. vs1 vs2 ch vs3 br etc...


I’m fading out
What’s this all about?
Why can’t I breathe?
What’s come over me?

(This is good especially if it's a pop song..wich is another thing you should clarify for the reader if you can.. the genre, however if you are thinking country, IMO you need to be more original here)

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment can express
Wrapped up in your arms
Wrapped up in all your charms
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

( overall I like this alot...IMO you could change the second *wrapped up* for something like caught in all your charms... lost in all your charms..ect.
I am not sure though that you need the last 2 lines.. to late for what? and why would you want to go back? )

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real
Should I compress the way I feel?
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

( first 2 lines great... again.. to late for what? and I might change compress... to suppress, I think it's a better word for an emotion)

I’m coming undone
Maybe I should run.
I’m so confused
What should I do?

( well it appears you are in love...does he feel the same way? why are you confused.. is there someone else? I'm not sure about this part..because as of yet there does not seem to be enough story to support it)

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment could express
Wrapped up in your eyes
My ultimate demise.
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

(Much better 6th line IMO )

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real.
Should I compress the way I feel.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

You have got me wrapped around your finger
Kiss me one more time, I’m yours forever.

(ok... so you are definately in love here...so again.. the confusion seems to be unwarrented IMO )

I won’t say a word
Don’t want to get hurt
Should take some time.
Clarify my mind.

It was just one touch
It was just one kiss
But I felt the love
One moment can express
Wrapped up in your smile
Wrapped up in all your style.
It’s too late now
I can’t go back.

Could this be my imagination
Playing tricks with my sensations.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.
How do I know that this is real.
Should I compress the way I feel.
It’s too late now, It’s too late now.

(now the 2 verses above are repeated alot... if they are the chorus..IMO it's too long unless it's a very fast song..music of course could make me change my mind..but just reading it.. I think it could be cut down, taking out the *confusion* parts could make it better. )

I’m so far gone, It’s too late now.
Reply With Quote

Again this is all just my thoughts.. you have some great lines in there...and I definately think this is worth working on to make it great

Good luck with it

Smile.

[singingdana]

Thank you for all of your comments.

Basically, the song is about the moment when you first start to have feelings for someone...

You aren't sure how they feel, and you are confused because you don't know if you should tell them and pursue it or just let it be...you don't know what the other person is thinking. You also aren't sure if it is just the moment that is causing the feelings...or if it is something real.

If that makes sense?

I'm not sure what kind of genre I want this song to fit into yet. I haven't really found my "voice" so I don't know what direction to take this in.

I really appreciate your feedback. It helps more than you know.

~Dana