Please review this country/jazz? song

[grn]

this is a rough demo... no effects, and I hate my voice, but how is the songwriting? particularly the lyrics, the rhythm, and the melody. I don't really know what genre this would be in.

thanks!

http://www.coolprofile.com/tiredoflife.mp3

[Smile]

Hello grn.
musically I like how the song has a varying melody, thats cool.
lyrically I am not sure this fits into country or jazz.
I mean country lyrics don't really promote things like helping you kill yourself.
*when your sick of life....
I'll give you a knife*

country music is very dependant on having darn good lyrics, as opposed to something like pop,

and although these are good, I don't think they fit into country category,
without music, based on lyrics alone I would have guessed something much heavier just because of the lyrical content.

Just my 2 cents, take or leave, they sound as though they are well written. good rhyme scheme..good hook. however I would change your title to suit your hook, something like *I gave up on you*

Smile.

[sonic edwards]

I play jazz and country and I'm really not sure where it fits, but who cares, it sounds good! I think it could be fanastic if you develop it a bit further(add a bridge or a chorus 'cos it could be longer!). I like the melody too, very catchy.

[cliff richard]

i quite liked it and i dont think it matters what genre if any it fits into. maybe its a new genre that you have just invented, one of the wonderful things about songwriting is that there aren't really any rules, we have total freedom to express. back to the song, the bit where you take it higher sounds like you didn't know what to do next and thought, i know i'll take it higher. but you need this bit in for when you drop down back into the last section. therefore maybe develop this high bridgey part more, make it longer, add some lyrics, or trumpets, i dont know, its up to you. keep it up.

[Garry Sharp]

Why do you hate your voice? This is quite an important thing. Our view (me and my singer partner) is that it's a very good voice with excellent pitching, a unique character and the potential for some power. The drawback is that you are too nasal. Half a dozen lessons with a good teacher would get rid of that.

[grn]

thanks... I appreciate the feedback. I'll work on it some and come back with a better recording, better arrangement, etc. - any other comments or suggestions?

(edit: the ending melody sounds more like swing to me than jazz, but the rhythm sounds like country)

[ampd]

I fucking laguhed so hard listening to that the peanut butter sandwich I was eating shot out of my nose and thats all I can smell now is fucking peanut butter. Thanks alot.

[grn]

is that a good thing? =\

[Songwriter333]

Like it is, I say try it at an open mic. To me it's quite folky.