"No More" comments

[gmiller1122]

I posted this over at the MP3 clinic, but got few responses. I hate bumping myself up, so I am re-posting it here. Indirect, but effective?

I'm curious as to your thoughts on the following:

1. Lyrics
2. Vocal performance
3. Chord progression / melody
4. Tempo -- too slow?

The song is the first one listed: "No More"

Thanks!

G
http://www.geocities.com/gmiller1122/

[Smile]

Hello Gmiller

IMO vocals are very good.. a couple places where the singing could be clearer.
but overall very good.
Music, although I can't give a musical critique worth beans to you I will say I enjoyed it very much.
I'm not sure about the lyrics, maybe just not my style, but I would have to read them to give a good critique there.

Good luck with the song

Smile.

[gmiller1122]

Thanks, Smile. I appreciate the time and effort.

G

[Garry Sharp]

Hiya Gmiller, listening as I type. This is a good forum for posting exactly the questions you asked.

Ok, this is what I'm hearing. A HELL of a lot of bass (compared to the reference CD's I listen to). I think I understand that you want that bass line to set the atmosphere for the song, but even though it occupies a different frequency space I found it hard to get past it.

On top of that I heard some atmosphere that matched the bass line - you did that well, it's very clear what mood you want to convey. But, and this is the bit you won't like - sorry - I couldn't make out what it was about. A few words like "chick", "bitch" and "no more" stood out; I understood that something was wrong, something was dark and had to change. I couldn't tell whether you were being ironic about a male who had to change his behaviour towards women or being abusive about a woman. (The point is that it's not what you think you are conveying that's important in a song, it's what the listener hears)

Maybe some clearing up on the mix would help. There is a lot of atmosphere and clearly talent there, I think your song was intended to make people feel uncomfortable and it works, it's just not quite there yet.

Hope you don't mind me saying all this, and of course you can ignore it, but you did ask

(PS I'm off on holiday for a week in a few hours time so if you want to debate this there may be a delay)

[cliff richard]

yeah i agree with most of what garry said, i liked the electric guitar, the track could really do with some decent drums though, the bit where you say "holding hands" could do with some drums crashing in, you need some rolls in there and to alternate the beat a bit. mind you having said that you did not ask for any feedback on them, so perhaps you already know. keep it up.

[gmiller1122]

Garry -
It's funny -- a friend wrote the lyrics 10 years ago and has since forgotten he wrote them. Go figure. Thanks for the comments, though. I'll pass them along. I agree there's too much bass -- I've already fixed that. I'm happy to hear your comments about the atmosphere. The moody/uncomfortable tone was my intention.

Hope you don't mind me saying all this

Not at ALL. I really appreciate the feedback. I have a thick skin, so I can take the constructive criticism. That's what I'm here for -- to learn, learn, learn.


cliff --
I agree about the drums. They're from a cheap keyboard and I haven't had a chance to overdub w/the real thing since my basement (where my drums are) had some water in it! Maybe I'll just buy a darn drum machine!??!

Thanks again, guys.

G

[nopoetic]

i think a lot of what people are going to say is go the cliche route and add this part and that part to the song about drums crashing in a certain point, but its going to make this song sound really produced and lame. do what you want to it, you're the one writing it. i hate when songs are so predictable it makes me cringe. it definitly needs good drumming though, something that flows well and more parts for the rythem guitar. its very boreing after a certain point. i think you have the right idea here though. just work on it, it gets a little repetative.

[gmiller1122]

its [drum fills] going to make this song sound really produced and lame

it definitly needs good drumming though,

Thanks for the feedback, nopoetic. I'm a bit confused by your insights, but I appreciate them.

G

[Songwriter333]

Good tune. I like the fact that you've shown equipment on your web site. Very brave of you to use wah so much in the tune, I believe you've pulled it off and made it work.
Vocals and lyric- I like em both. One suggestion might be to push some air and sing hard during some part of the tune (maybe during the build-up).
Nice keyboard in the background, very tastefully done- good volume lvl for that.
Melody is great. Tempo may be slightly slow, however, the overall length of tune shows that this is probably not really an issue.
You already said you've brought down bass lvl, so that's good. Maybe or maybe not on this tune, but a little trick I learned at Stepping Stone studios in Seattle while recording a demo with an old band is that bass can handle a little bit of distortion (sounds strange but it can work)- just a thought.
Keep it up.
Peace

[gmiller1122]

Thanks, Songwriter....I appreciate the suggestions on the vocals and bass. I've heard of that distortion suggestion before, but have yet to try it. I wonder if it will help the bass to sound less like farting (something I can't seem to cure!)...

Thanks again.

G

[nopoetic]

what i meant by my comments is that when someone adds a drum fill/cymbal crash/breakdown/whatever, to a certain part of a song it becomes predictable and cliche. people need to take a unique vision on songs rather than do what is most commonly done for a certain part. change things up rather than go the most predictable route to writeing a song. i think most people try to suggest predictable things for songs, i say go whatever way you want. if it doesnt work out right, change it, just do something unique.

[cincy_kid]

I just listened also, and here would be my comments:

Definitly too much bass as mentioned above. Cool little mood effects I agree with. The lyrics I didnt catch much of, just a few words here and there as also mentioned above, but the one thing I didnt see mentioned was the vocals. I can totally appreciate the style you are going for, but reminded me too much of a "bob dylan" style voice. No offense, I am just not as crazy about that style of voice. I like a bit more power and control.

I do however envy the fact that you have your originals up and avaialble for those to listen. I am a newbie on home recording and am trying to get my initial setup together.

By the way, what type of mic/mixer/sound card you using if you dont mind me asking?