Home Recording

Go Back   Home Recording > General Discussions > Songwriting, Singing & Vocals
Reload this Page What do you think of those lyrics?
Register FAQ Members List Calendar Mark Forums Read

10/30 - [video] Demo Roland TD-20SX
Reply    Audiofanzine Homestudio Homestudio News Homestudio Medias Homestudio Tests Homestudio Articles Homestudio User Reviews Homestudio Classifieds Ads
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-25-2003
swoon swoon is offline
Newbie
  
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 44
Rep Power: 0
swoon is on a distinguished road
What do you think of those lyrics?
Heya,

I wrote this one a year ago. What do you guys think.
My native language is Dutch.. so improve where necessary

Song is in set in a dark, melancholic mood...

Maybe
--------

Maybe have a sweet spot
Maybe have a heart attack and wine
Take another hit my friend
Swallow it down with a sip of pain

Living off the stress load
Through the tube of a pulsing vain
Have another cigarette
While them flowers fade away.

Believe me I will pay
Every ordinary day
Even Flowers if they'll take
Maybe, Maybe today

The cure is in the cupboard
But you sold the key, or at least you say
Have another round today
While them flowers fade away.

Believe me I will pay
Every ordinary day
Even flowers if they'll take
Maybe, maybe today

*Guitar solo*

Believe me I will pay
Every ordinary day
Even flowers if they'll take
Maybe, maybe today
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 12-09-2003
stonepiano's Avatar
stonepiano stonepiano is offline
Midwestern Manimal
  
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Chee-Kah-Go, IL
Age: 31
Posts: 881
Rep Power: 1480
stonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond reputestonepiano has a reputation beyond repute
Wow.

I like this how it is. The language and formation is very foreign but very striking. Calls me to attention. Not stuck in the banalities of cliche and standard phrasing.

Almost Gertrude Stein-esque.

Please post an mp3 if you can.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 12-09-2003
the dude's Avatar
the dude the dude is offline
Senior Member
  
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Marina Del Rey, CA
Age: 32
Posts: 231
Rep Power: 19
the dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud ofthe dude has much to be proud of
i second that! FINALLY someone NOT writing (or whining) about some bitch that left them! I PRAISE you and your tune! keep it up!
__________________
the dude
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 12-10-2003
lend_me_talent lend_me_talent is offline
Senior Member
  
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 125
Rep Power: 7
lend_me_talent is on a distinguished road
better than my shiat

I like the overall flow of it its one of those songs that you feel like you can hear just by reading the lyrics
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 12-10-2003
Calwood Calwood is offline
Dedicated Member
  
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: PA
Age: 44
Posts: 324
Rep Power: 25
Calwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant futureCalwood has a brilliant future
Excellent! If you've got a voice as good as the lyrics,..I'm STILL looking for a singer! ha ha ha.

Great job man. Cool stuff.

Take 'er easy,....
Calwood
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 12-11-2003
Echoes's Avatar
Echoes Echoes is offline
Newbie
  
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 45
Rep Power: 0
Echoes is on a distinguished road
Yeah, unorthodox rhyming patterns = cool. If you have any more stuff please post it.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 12-17-2003
swoon swoon is offline
Newbie
  
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 44
Rep Power: 0
swoon is on a distinguished road
*blushes*

Thank you for the comments!

I have the song in MP3... (well a live acoustic recording we once did)

I will try and upload tonight...

Cya,

Swoon

Cal -> I would sing but ehm.. I guess Belgium is just a tad to far?
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 12-17-2003
swoon swoon is offline
Newbie
  
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 44
Rep Power: 0
swoon is on a distinguished road
Talking
Ok here is the song:

Just right-click and use "Save As"

http://users.skynet.be/swoon/5DayBoon/Maybe.mp3

Some others I uploaded as well:

http://users.skynet.be/swoon/5DayBoo..._Old_Train.mp3
http://users.skynet.be/swoon/5DayBoo...ng_the_dog.mp3
http://users.skynet.be/swoon/5DayBoo...tool_Blues.mp3

Hope you guys like it...
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 12-18-2003
Sonic Misfit's Avatar
Sonic Misfit Sonic Misfit is offline
When rocks were young
  
Join Date: Jun 2001
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 442
Rep Power: 9
Sonic Misfit is on a distinguished road
Downloaded your song. I think that it has promise. I imagine that the final mix will be a lot heavier. I can imagine it with a feel like Linkin Park type material.

Just my opinon....Good Job!

Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 12-18-2003
swoon swoon is offline
Newbie
  
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 44
Rep Power: 0
swoon is on a distinguished road
Hi,

When we play it normally we use electrics. It is indeed heavier and has more dissonants in it.

However.. I don't like Linkin Park (Hey that's just my bad taste in Music speaking )

Thanks for the evaluation

Swoon
Reply With Quote
Reply


« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump
Google
 


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 22:12.

Contact Us - HomeRecording.com - Archive - Privacy Statement - Top

Powered by: vBulletin
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 1995-2008 Audiofanzine except where noted. All Rights Reserved.