cheatin' lyrics

[jimistone]

im workin' on a cheating song

this song rocks pretty hard with that "mannish boy" "bad to the bone" type of riff ....with the jimi "voodo chile" E chord thrown in for good measure

WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN

1st)
Franks out on the prowl,
lookin' for Sexy Kate,
called his sweet wife Sue on the telephone,
she thinks he's working late.
He's drivin' round and round,
he's ready for a ride,
he lit another cigarette and loosened up his tie.

Chorus)
Off in the shadows,
he'll come around.....
when the sun goes down.

When Susie got Franks call,
she knew that was her cue,
to go put on a short sexy dress,
cause she ain't nobodys fool,
put on her cherry lipstick,
took off her wedding band,
when the rat's away the cat will play,
every married woman's got a back door man.

Off in the shadows,
she'll come unwound......
when the sun goes down

Sexy Kates out on the corner,
the night has just begun,
she flags Frank down, hops in the car,
now they both gonna go have some fun.
When they walked in the motel lobby,
it was such a sight to see,
there was Susie with her back door man,
and they already had a key.

Off in the shadows,
they'll all go a round....
when the sun goes down.

as always im open to suggestions to make the lyrics better

[Gidge]

hey thats a cool song....Im usually not a fan of such small choruses but it seems to work here.....

maybe throw a bridge betwen the 2nd chorus and 3rd verse to give it some variety or a smoking guitar solo would work too

[LI_Slim]

I like it. Solid concept and delivery. I have a couple detail suggestions.

1. You are shifting from the present to past tense and back again. I would keep it all in the present tense (e.g., "calls" his sweet wife...)("when Susie gets Frank's call she knows that it's her cue

2. Instead of "He's drivin' round and round, he's ready for a ride," get into his head some more.

3. Perhaps short black dress or short red dress or thigh-high dress (you get the picture) instead of short sexy dress

4. "This" woman's got a back door man (not "every").


Have fun performing this one!!!

[dafduc]

Nicely done. Some of it's a little generic - I like Slim's idea about more specifics on the dress - could maybe apply this elsewhere too - but it's solid like it is.

I dunno about a bridge - most blues tunes don't have em, I don't think.

And, of course, a lesbian subplot could alway add some unexpected fun...



Jes kidding - don't change too much!!!

Daf

[jimistone]

thanks lt_slim
I should have noticed the tense contradictions
(i do in somebody elses song....but seem to be blind to it on my songs)

getting the tense right will really help....I knew something wasn't quite right and thats alot of it.

dafduc
thanks, Im gonna fine tune some more.

gidge,
thanks, the song has a smokin' guitar solo
(well, a tentative smoking guitar solo)

I have the music layed down and I got a rythem giutar sound that flat out rocks!

all I have to do now is lay down the vocals and get a little more "smoke" on the guitar solo....then im gonna mix it and post it in the clinic.
thanks again guys.

[jimistone]

I incorporated then suggestions and did a rewrite.

WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN

1st)
Franks out on the prowl,
lookin' for Sexy Kate,
he calls his sweet wife Sue on the telephone,
now she thinks he's working late.
there's an itch he needs to scratch,
a flame deep down inside,
he lights another cigarette and loosens up his tie.

Chorus)
Off in the shadows,
he'll come around.....
when the sun goes down.

When Susie gets Franks call,
she knows thats her cue,
to go put on her short sexy dress,
cause she ain't nobodys fool,
puts on her cherry lipstick,
takes off her wedding band,
when the rat's away the cat will play,
and Franks kitty's got a back door man.

Off in the shadows,
she'll come unwound......
when the sun goes down

Sexy Kates out on the corner,
the night has just begun,
she flags Frank down, hops in the car,
now they both gonna go have some fun.
When they walk in the motel lobby,
it's quite a sight to see,
there stands Susie with her back door man,
and they've already got a key.

Off in the shadows,
they'll all go a round....
when the sun goes down.

now the entire song is in the present tense
thanks guys