other song i'm working on

[Bill_Clinton]

Another song I've been working on.
This one's first verse and prechorus is meant to sound kind of like Gob (if you don't know Gob....Greenday is the next closest thing)and the second verse is kind of half shouted, half sung, in a very solid, punchy, rhythmic fashion.

The song's about people who refuse to just have fun playing music, and think that everyone who is well known is a shitty sellout.

tempo=quater note - 168bpm

Again....any and all criticism is much appreciated.

(Verse 1)
You tell them rock 'n' roll is a business, no?
But I'm just having fun.
You're nights are spent up on a stage,
you're days, out in the sun.

(Pre-Chorus)
You do what you want, not what you're told,
and how hard can that be?
If superstardom's way too tough,
then pass it down to me.

(Chorus)
Well it's alright, you've got your fans.
N'the bullshit never ends?
D'you even know your own best friend?
You know it's great, it can't grow old
until you let it end.
D'you even know your own best friend?

(Verses 2)
It's, ok,
say it to my face!
Unplug your guitar and,
leave without a trace!
Call it selling out!
Or call it giving in!
Tell me I'm a corporate slut
then tell me how to live!
Tell me I'm a facist,
popularity's a sin!
So what if I want to get paid
for all the songs we did!?
Tell me that I'm empty,
cause my songs don't have a message
Tell me that I can't have fun,
just cause YOU'RE depressed,
HEY!!!

(Chorus)
(Guitar Solo)
(Chorus 2)
Well it's alright you've got your fans.
And the bullshit never ends?
D'you even know you're own best friend?
And it's alright cause now you're done.
The best is yet to come.
You're gone and I can just have fun.

[Fat_Satchel]

hmm...I like the concept but I very quickly got the feeling this is just you ranting about a bandmate thats pissed you off cus they didnt like your songs.

Verse 2 comes off waaay too long for beat/measure count [I think]

The chorus does nothing for the song...theres no hook that i can smell...

Like I said in the other post you have...maybe its a hearing thing.

LS

[Bill_Clinton]

The second time around (verse2) there is no pre-chorus....i guess it is a hearing thing, cause some of the words in the second verse are accented irregularly.

I know what you mean by the song sounding like ranting about a band member, and now that you've said it, it's perfectly clear, I didn't catch it before.

Just so you know, and to help you get a better idea, I wrote the song after reading a magazine, wherein every article, the artist said something to the effect of, "we don't want money, and we don't like any bands other than the ones that are all depressed....etc."......you know where I'm going with this.

My idea of music is playing your instrument(s), having fun, and ENJOYING what you do....these bands try to make it seem like they hate every minute of being musicians. So I don't understand why they don't call it quits.

The song targets that aspect of what music has become.

The idea behind the chorus was brought on by an interview I saw, and the artist actually said in part of a sentence...and I quote..."....we don't want a following...".....I don't get it, I always thought you get a record deal so that you can sell your music to your FANS.


Oh well....thanks for the input, if you have any ideas for new lyrics, that could better the song that'd be great.

peace, lovin', and tree huggin'

[Porter]

Bill,

I've had a quick read through your songs and your follow ups. The idea of a song is to say what you want in the appropriate (or least as it sometimes seems) amount of words. In both cases you've had to put up a second post explaining what the song it about. I don't mean this as criticism just an suggestion about incorporating some of the follow up story into your songs.

BTW, the way I hear it Verse 2 is almost a 'rap' style verse.

Porter