New lyrics (tell me what you think).

[louisv]

This is total drunkenness. i came up with this 14 seconds ago. if anyone feels like using it, transforming it or destroying it... go for it.
just tell me (i wanna know)

tell me what you think!
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I'm sitting in the classroom
waiting for the teacher
bell's about to ring soon
i won't stay no longer

still no sing of mister Logan
oh it's about time
the door is about to open
it's 10 past nine

I hope mister Logan's dead
cause it a replacement teacher
from her feet to her head
she can't be any hotter

i can't believe my eyes
she's giving us a lesson
the words in my eyes
''just give me a detention''

With that being said
she's starts to talk and talk
her name on the board she's writing,
she's Miss Understanding.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

I wanted to use this for the maybe upcoming challenge but i think I can do better..or worst.



P.S. [don't watch this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bfayfJ1gsZ8 my little brothers friends should not use autotune nor should they sing.]

[gecko zzed]

Boy you are sharp!!

Structurally the lyrics are a bit wayward, but a sympathetic musical treatment would deal with that.

It starts off sounding a bit corny . . . and I was thinking, "waht's this all about?". But the punch line is a real killer!!

[up-fiddler]

....then will she be Miss Taken?

[gecko zzed]

And the daughter resulting from the union will be Miss Begotten.

[JonahPavesco]

I don't understand how people come up with lyrics that sound like they were written by a freshman in high school and post them online obviously assuming at least SOME good could come out of it. Unfortunately, you actually got some decent comments, which just goes to say that some people like kissing ass purely for sport. Strange. I mean I understand if you're in high school, so that's you're immediate surrounding, but why surround yourself with people and situations that hold you back?

I haven't been on this forum for a long time, so I don't know if there's been an upspike in degenerate behavior. Or maybe you're legitimate. Or at least you think you are. If this isn't a joke and this is something you're interested in you need to step it up.

And I'm not even knocking you for writing it drunk. I write drunk when the mood strikes. Hemmingway was an alcoholic, Jack London was as well. But I'm not sure we're looking at the next Ernest or London. However, I'll say this. If there is a fiber in your body of what you believe to be poetic/lyrical/musical talent, whatever, then you MUST see that changes have to be made. But see, here, I don't know you. I don't know your past, your tendency's. You could have just been bored out of your mind, found some forum and posted some arbitrary notebook scribblings you found in your 2nd grader's backpack. I mean, come on, killing teachers, detentions...those aren't lyrics. Those are early warning signs for a degenerate outcast, desperate for attention by being wacky and writing "CRAZY" funny crap about killing teachers and thinkings they're hot.

*Note: I must admit there's no mention of killing teachers, I don't think. I just can't get through the whole thing. It's a pathetic piece of writing and if you had any interest in writing you' be asking questions and not posting things you write while you were drunk and obviously so incredibly still suffering with immaturity.

There's no SING of mister Larson? By Golly, Jimminy Crickers, best give Larson a SING that he can SONG and through the streets he can go about sunging the sang!

[gecko zzed]

Originally Posted by JonahPavesco

I don't understand how people come up with lyrics that sound like they were written by a freshman in high school and post them online obviously assuming at least SOME good could come out of it. Unfortunately, you actually got some decent comments, which just goes to say that some people like kissing ass purely for sport. Strange. I mean I understand if you're in high school, so that's you're immediate surrounding, but why surround yourself with people and situations that hold you back?

I haven't been on this forum for a long time, so I don't know if there's been an upspike in degenerate behavior. Or maybe you're legitimate. Or at least you think you are. If this isn't a joke and this is something you're interested in you need to step it up.

And I'm not even knocking you for writing it drunk. I write drunk when the mood strikes. Hemmingway was an alcoholic, Jack London was as well. But I'm not sure we're looking at the next Ernest or London. However, I'll say this. If there is a fiber in your body of what you believe to be poetic/lyrical/musical talent, whatever, then you MUST see that changes have to be made. But see, here, I don't know you. I don't know your past, your tendency's. You could have just been bored out of your mind, found some forum and posted some arbitrary notebook scribblings you found in your 2nd grader's backpack. I mean, come on, killing teachers, detentions...those aren't lyrics. Those are early warning signs for a degenerate outcast, desperate for attention by being wacky and writing "CRAZY" funny crap about killing teachers and thinkings they're hot.

*Note: I must admit there's no mention of killing teachers, I don't think. I just can't get through the whole thing. It's a pathetic piece of writing and if you had any interest in writing you' be asking questions and not posting things you write while you were drunk and obviously so incredibly still suffering with immaturity.

There's no SING of mister Larson? By Golly, Jimminy Crickers, best give Larson a SING that he can SONG and through the streets he can go about sunging the sang!

I don't think anyone regards this set of lyrics as having Shakespearean qualities. It is what it is . . . something dashed off fairly quickly, and would make a great novelty song. The point being (which you have missed by just popping in and looking at this one) that it is a quick resonse to a challenge to be run in December and January on the theme of 'misunderstanding', which is kind of ironic, seeing as I believe that's what's happened here.

Your 'kissing ass for sport' is sadly misplaced.

[up-fiddler]

Originally Posted by JonahPavesco

I don't understand how people come up with lyrics that sound like they were written by a freshman in high school and post them online obviously assuming at least SOME good could come out of it. Unfortunately, you actually got some decent comments, which just goes to say that some people like kissing ass purely for sport. Strange. I mean I understand if you're in high school, so that's you're immediate surrounding, but why surround yourself with people and situations that hold you back?

I haven't been on this forum for a long time, so I don't know if there's been an upspike in degenerate behavior. Or maybe you're legitimate. Or at least you think you are. If this isn't a joke and this is something you're interested in you need to step it up.

And I'm not even knocking you for writing it drunk. I write drunk when the mood strikes. Hemmingway was an alcoholic, Jack London was as well. But I'm not sure we're looking at the next Ernest or London. However, I'll say this. If there is a fiber in your body of what you believe to be poetic/lyrical/musical talent, whatever, then you MUST see that changes have to be made. But see, here, I don't know you. I don't know your past, your tendency's. You could have just been bored out of your mind, found some forum and posted some arbitrary notebook scribblings you found in your 2nd grader's backpack. I mean, come on, killing teachers, detentions...those aren't lyrics. Those are early warning signs for a degenerate outcast, desperate for attention by being wacky and writing "CRAZY" funny crap about killing teachers and thinkings they're hot.

*Note: I must admit there's no mention of killing teachers, I don't think. I just can't get through the whole thing. It's a pathetic piece of writing and if you had any interest in writing you' be asking questions and not posting things you write while you were drunk and obviously so incredibly still suffering with immaturity.

There's no SING of mister Larson? By Golly, Jimminy Crickers, best give Larson a SING that he can SONG and through the streets he can go about sunging the sang!

You are correct. You haven’t been on this forum for long. Certainly not long enough to have read the prior posts of the people you feel are “kissing ass for sport”. If you did you would find that when we criticize we do it in a constructive manner aimed at helping the writer grow and hone their craft. If you read those same posts through recent history you would notice that we were able to criticize the work without personally attacking the author.

Another thing that you would have noticed by reading the posts in this area of the forum is this is a forum for songwriters and not an area for barroom brawls. Those areas exist in other parts of the HR forum and they would welcome and embrace the literary style you have adopted in the quoted post.

As far as I’m concerned you are welcome here as well. I hope you don’t think I’m kissing your ass with this statement though.

[louisv]

Originally Posted by JonahPavesco

I don't understand how people come up with lyrics that sound like they were written by a freshman in high school and post them online obviously assuming at least SOME good could come out of it. Unfortunately, you actually got some decent comments, which just goes to say that some people like kissing ass purely for sport. Strange. I mean I understand if you're in high school, so that's you're immediate surrounding, but why surround yourself with people and situations that hold you back?

I haven't been on this forum for a long time, so I don't know if there's been an upspike in degenerate behavior. Or maybe you're legitimate. Or at least you think you are. If this isn't a joke and this is something you're interested in you need to step it up.

And I'm not even knocking you for writing it drunk. I write drunk when the mood strikes. Hemmingway was an alcoholic, Jack London was as well. But I'm not sure we're looking at the next Ernest or London. However, I'll say this. If there is a fiber in your body of what you believe to be poetic/lyrical/musical talent, whatever, then you MUST see that changes have to be made. But see, here, I don't know you. I don't know your past, your tendency's. You could have just been bored out of your mind, found some forum and posted some arbitrary notebook scribblings you found in your 2nd grader's backpack. I mean, come on, killing teachers, detentions...those aren't lyrics. Those are early warning signs for a degenerate outcast, desperate for attention by being wacky and writing "CRAZY" funny crap about killing teachers and thinkings they're hot.

*Note: I must admit there's no mention of killing teachers, I don't think. I just can't get through the whole thing. It's a pathetic piece of writing and if you had any interest in writing you' be asking questions and not posting things you write while you were drunk and obviously so incredibly still suffering with immaturity.

There's no SING of mister Larson? By Golly, Jimminy Crickers, best give Larson a SING that he can SONG and through the streets he can go about sunging the sang!

Those are early warning signs for a degenerate outcast... yes.