Question about Seniors

ido1957

ido1957

9K Gold Member
I am getting Power of Attorney for my step dad because his landlord wants him out of the apt. building.
The problem is he wants to stay there until he dies. The landlady is tired of taking care of him and I guess does't want to run his errands anymore (or wipe his butt once that starts).
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility when they didn't want to go?
This guy has a bad mean streak that was under control but is now surfacing whenever he gets told what to do and doesn't want to do it.
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility? What happens when they don't want to go?
I mean if they evict him he's screwed, so I want to get him into a home soon. What about if he gets physical - will they refuse to move him or use sedation lol?
 
ido1957 said:
I am getting Power of Attorney for my step dad because his landlord wants him out of the apt. building.
The problem is he wants to stay there until he dies. The landlady is tired of taking care of him and I guess does't want to run his errands anymore (or wipe his butt once that starts).
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility when they didn't want to go?
This guy has a bad mean streak that was under control but is now surfacing whenever he gets told what to do and doesn't want to do it.
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility? What happens when they don't want to go?
I mean if they evict him he's screwed, so I want to get him into a home soon. What about if he gets physical - will they refuse to move him or use sedation lol?
Click to expand...

My grandmother I had to work through this situation. She was 100. Because of advanced age, it took care of itself.

Now my mom, who is 84 is still rather healthy and she doesn't want to leave her home. She is very far away from where everyone else lives and she is about 3-4 hours way with no family around that will assist her. Try to get her to move so that she can be better cared for. The nursing home issue hasn't come up yet, but it probably will soon.
 
I'm the only living relative besides my sister in Australia that will have anything to do with him. I live 3000 miles away so it's going to be interesting seeing how much I can handle without having to fly there and take time off work. He's 80 btw and starting to slide into dementia and just smoking and drinking Ensure to stay alive. He wants to die in his sleep, unfortunately there is no euthanasia here.
 
Yea, the debate with my family in regards to my mom, was, she doesn't want to leave and she has a right to stay. While this is true, the reality is she is getting to the point she can't take care of herself. So it has become a matter of want verses need. For me is was simple, I asked my siblings, do her not be well taken care of or worse, she die in her house and no one find her for weeks or ... You know the rest of all of the possible questions.

While it hasn't been settled, we are working on getting her into a senior apartment (they have them here where is assistance is needed, it is close by so it is not an old peoples home) closer to people who can look in on her. That is about the best answer I could come up with.

With you, it must be even harder. 3000 miles away is a lot of miles. So maybe something like what we are doing for my mom you can get for your dad. Closer to one or the other for more visits and check in on him to make sure he is doing well.

Hard decisions. But with western society all over the place, there are no good answers. Not like 50+ years ago where everyone stayed in one place and there were generations around to assist.
 
Tough situation. My wife works at a facility that has a full-time nursing home amongst other things so sees similar things. Problem with a nursing home and a patient like your father is that he will make a big deal out of being there and the nursing home will make moves to oust him, if they even let him in to start with.
No easy solutions, good luck.
 
Yeah - the aggression is what I'm worried about mainly. I'm going to be upfront with the social worker who goes in to assess him so they are aware of the potential.
 
I feel for you, man. For the last year+ I've been taking care of my mom 24/7 in her home. I don't know what the laws are in Australia, so things may be different there, but here power of attorney only goes so far. You have to get their doctor to do a letter stating that they need to be in a facility because they are a danger to themselves, then there's a form the doctor has to fill out, one you have to fill out, they will have to be assesed in home by both the eldercare dept of the state government and a nurse from the facility that you're trying to get them in. I think some of this is not necessary if you have them declared incompetent and you declared their guardian. As far as being combative, some places won't take them, but others will and just drug them up. That's about all you can do with someone who's violent.

And again, I don't know what the situation is in Oz, but good luck with the financial end of things. Here, a nursng home is about $6,000 a month.


I wish I could be more help, but you really need to consult someone in Oz, or Canada if that's where you're thinking about moving him. The international factor would, I'm sure, make things far more complicated..

Good luck.
 
He's in Halifax Canada and I'm in Edmonton Canada which is about as far away as you can get in this country.
We went through this with my MOL but she was pretty much passive, but a wandering dementia patient but really pretty easy to get into a home.
I can see lots of problems with this so I'm preparing for the worst....
He's 80 and pretty weak so he may die before he gets moved out - but he's a tough cookie and may stick around for a while.
 
I feel for you, man. My parents are getting to that point, where they're becoming a danger to themselves. It's hard to make a call.with grown adults that have earned the right to make decisions for themselves (or so they see it). But it's just as hard to watch a dangerous situation unfold.

If you find any answers, I'm all ears. I'm not very good at this kind of thing.
 
How would you want people to deal with you if you were problematic and one step short of depends?

*That* is a wonderful guide to how you should deal with people in that situation.
 
Caring for the elderly

I'm not sure if your state has it, but here in Oregon we have something called home hospice care. Mom was able to stay out of the hospital and we cared for her as long as we could. Then home hospice came in and took over seeing to her pain medication and providing everything she needed with dignity. You could also check about home care for the elderly. We used that until she grew too weak. Hospice generally means that he will no longer be taken to the doctor for treatment since it has been determined that he is too old for medical treatment (It would not improve his condition). You are a very loving person to be doing this and he will appreciate you wanting to provide for him in the best way. I would do everything possible to honor his desires until he sees it is more than even he can handle. Good luck,
Rod Norman

ido1957 said:
I am getting Power of Attorney for my step dad because his landlord wants him out of the apt. building.
The problem is he wants to stay there until he dies. The landlady is tired of taking care of him and I guess does't want to run his errands anymore (or wipe his butt once that starts).
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility when they didn't want to go?
This guy has a bad mean streak that was under control but is now surfacing whenever he gets told what to do and doesn't want to do it.
Has anyone ever had to move a relative out of their house/apt into a an old folks home/facility? What happens when they don't want to go?
I mean if they evict him he's screwed, so I want to get him into a home soon. What about if he gets physical - will they refuse to move him or use sedation lol?
Click to expand...
 
Armistice said:
Where's your sister, BTW?
Click to expand...

Haha. You looking for a date? :thumbs up:

We're going through the same thing at the minute with my Gran. She's 92, not a clue who anyone is, too lazy to get up and go to the toilet, hardly eats unless tricked into it. The list goes on. She's been assessed by the "pros" and because, when asked, she says she doesn't want to go into a nursing home, they won't force her. It's a no win situation.

While my wifes gran, also 92, who was in a home due to dementia, passed away peacefully in the early hours of yesterday.
 
dobro said:
How would you want people to deal with you if you were problematic and one step short of depends?

*That* is a wonderful guide to how you should deal with people in that situation.
Click to expand...

Unfortunately, I can't do that for legal reasons.

Tell me about the rabbits again, George.
 
dobro said:
How would you want people to deal with you if you were problematic and one step short of depends?

*That* is a wonderful guide to how you should deal with people in that situation.
Click to expand...

I would want them to legally be able to off me. My Mom dreaded the idea of being a burden to her kids and by the grace of God and her hard efforts to ensure she wasn't , she wasn't. I wish the same. One word Hibachi

Bring it in my room, grill me up a nice burger and give me a big Chocolate shake to drink it down with. Kiss me goodbye and shut the door behind you as you leave. Love ya! Mean it!
 
It's good to know I've got yet another option. Of course, what I really want after that burger and vanilla shake, is a joint, followed by a double-fatal dose of heroin. Might as well go out having a good time.
 
Sorry to hear about your dad. Mine both died in their 70s, so we never had to worry about that sort of thing, but Rod may have had a decent glimmer of an idea (even though he thinks you're in the states) with the home hospice. If it's affordable, I'd look into it.
 
Just a follow up....
Adult Protective Services decided to move him to a long term care facility as he was incapable of taking care of himself.
They went to court and got the order on Monday and he was removed (had to call the police) but went "willingly" after an hour of protesting.

The landlady had packed a bag for him and included a couple of cartons of smokes (he can smoke there).

Upon arrival he had his first bath in months and a haircut and beard trim. He wandered around asking when he could go home (and still is).
Slept finally at 11pm last night - late night. He has a 1 on 1 worker until he settles in. His rent is 85% of his income by law so he can afford it if you don't count smokes and utilities. His savings will be eaten up gradually.

Still going to take a while for him to settle in but it's day to day. His landlady was upset when he left but relieved he is gone.
Never got POA so had to do some tricky stuff online to get his mail etc all redirected to me. :)
 
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