Jokes!!

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
 
How many musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Assuming it's big enough for them to get in, only two...
 
How many musicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Assuming it's big enough for them to get in, only two...

LOL

Jesus says both of those musicians better be married and of opposite sexes. Just saying...

:)

Oh, and eat more chicken.
 
Got to drive an hour to get to Church's or Popeye's :(
KFC just doesn't make it for me.
Loves me some good chicken and corn on the cob!!!!!!
 
KFC does corn here in Denver, but nobody does corn like Popeye's!

Chick-Fil-A hates cows and fags. Strange combo.
 
Oh, and eat more chicken.

Got to drive an hour to get to Church's or Popeye's :(
KFC just doesn't make it for me.
Loves me some good chicken and corn on the cob!!!!!!

I don't get it. :(

What don't you get. Jimmy said eat more chicken. Church's, Popeye's and KFC are all chicken places.


Ah, I see, you expected a punchline! Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the Colonel. Or maybe, the kernel of corn?
 
My wife is a phone tech and today she got asked the greatest question of all time!

How come I can't assign a ringtone to my phone's silent mode?
:laughings:
I seriously don't know how she keeps a straight face sometimes.
 
It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Flowers." "That's right!" the boy said, "But, how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the sweet shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner. The teacher held he package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!" SURPRISE!
 
A man brought home some deer meat and knowing that his children wouldn't eat it he said nothing.
Durning the meal one of the children ask what it was and the dad said its what your mother calls me and one of the youngest said ..... Spit it out! It's an a$$hole!
 
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