First Time Writing Lyrics

[bsr2002]

This is the first time I write my own lyrics. I have always been dependent on others before to add to my music. Anyway check out my lyrics and you can listen to the song at the MP3 Clinic.



It's Just Ride


You know I fell asleep today
In the afternoon
And had that kind of dream
You know was off the wall

This was the first dream that I ever had
When I would be out in the light of the day

I see myself I'm
gettin' off that couch
And looking out the window
it's another stage

I found myself in the backroom now
When I saw her waivin' to me at the end
of this maze

I came upon a window when I saw her name
Thinkin' it would take me to the other side
It's gettin' kind of weird you know it's all in vain
To me it's never gonna end 'cause you know
it's just a ride

it's just a ride





© 2003


Thanks

 

[leavings]

Hmm...

doesn't do much for me. I don't get any vibe or sense of rhythym from it...Thematically it's a little cliched. Then again the lyrics to some of my favorite songs look pretty pathetic on paper (including many of my own). I never want to discourage people from anything creative, so I hope my criticism won't be taken as an insult.

Let me try to offer some specific suggestions:

1) I don't see any rhyme scheme. Now, I am a fervent supporter of lyrics that don't rhyme so long as they still flow well. Being unable to hear the music that accompanies these lyrics I can't discern whether or not that's true here, but it doesn't read that way.

2) Try and stay away from generalities or vague expressions unless they're there for a precise reason. For example, saying "you know" so often doesn't add much stylistically or conceptually.

I just realized I can listen to this in the clinic...I'll stop commenting on it for now until I've heard it.

Peter