My opinion: you're trying too hard. You're forcing yourself to sound desperate/passionate instead of just singing the lyrics naturally. A little goes a long way. I'd practice that song over and over, recording yourself like you did, and just try to sing it naturally, giving about a tenth of the desperation effects you're splattering all over every line. Less of the emo stuff, more of the natural singing, and just keep practicing singing naturally. If you do that, there's one thing I can assure you - when you re-listen to the recordings 6 months from now, you'll prefer the naturally-sang versions.