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Thread: Please Review New Song

  1. #1
    DarkFriend's Avatar
    DarkFriend is offline Dedicated Member
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    Smile Please Review New Song

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    Would love some reviews of "Won't Hurt One Bit", a new tune I've just completed. I've found the songwriting forum here really helpful.

    http://www.pmtechllc.com/wont_hurt_one_bit.mp3

    or

    http://www.myspace.com/evanlesser

    Millions of "break up" songs have been written, and all gush about how awful the split is/was/will be. Here's a break up song where the couple have broken up so many times (see verse two below), it doesn't hurt at all.

    Lyrics:

    Verse 1
    Sunshine on your own, leaves a space when you're not at home
    Sunshine over me, burned by the spectrum you just can't see
    Now you're sitting in the captain's chair, as we're riding on this ship to nowhere, I
    I'll take the fall - this won't hurt one bit at all

    Chorus
    I bet you think I wasted all your time
    Let this thought then give you peace of mind
    You said you wouldn't have it any other way
    I'm happy to be flavor of the day
    This won't hurt one bit at all
    This won't hurt one bit at all

    Verse 2
    Two times on the phone, that once at a wedding was all our own
    Fifth time was a charm, and by the sixth you don't have to twist my arm
    Because now I'm sitting in the captain's chair, as we're riding on this ship to nowhere, I
    I'm standing ten feet tall - this won't hurt one bit at all

    Chorus
    I bet you think I wasted all your time
    Let this thought then give you peace of mind
    You said you wouldn't have it any other way
    I'm happy to be flavor of the day
    This won't hurt one bit at all

    Bridge

    Chorus
    I bet you think I wasted all your time
    Let this thought then give you peace of mind
    You said you wouldn't have it any other way
    I'm happy to be flavor of the day
    This won't hurt one bit at all
    This won't hurt one bit at all

  2. #2
    gecko zzed's Avatar
    gecko zzed is offline audio illusion
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    okay . . . Having listened to the track, here are my thoughts.

    Production and performance: the song is well recorded, clean and crisp. The mix seems nicely balanced, with a satisfying sonic diet. The harmonies work well, and in fact I think you have a great voice (I assume it's your voice) for harmonising. The arrangement is nicely layered and instruments are performed very capably.

    Vocally, I think your strength is in the harmonies more than as a lead. But who am I to judge? And I daresay you are as good as any of the raft of pop/rock singers out there. Maybe it was the "ti-eee-ime" that irked me (in contrast to the straight delivery of "mind".

    The song itself is a curious collection of retro: there are touches of Beatles, Badfinger, Cars, and the ooh ooh harmonies at about 2:45 were reminiscent of The Eagles.

    Lyrically, the song is a step removed from the typically break-up song, and gets my thumbs-up for that. I like the tallying up in verse 2. However, I didn't think V1 contributed much to the theme of the song (except, perhaps, to describe a state of mind), and I got an overall impression of the song taking taking a long time (even though at 3:57 it doesn't break my internal 4 minute barrier).

    Melodically the song was fine, though not startling, i.e. the melody lines were fairly predictable, not offering anything new (not that they need to, it's just that my jaded brain seeks stimulation from novelty).

    I think it's a fine effort!

  3. #3
    jarrydee is offline Audiobay productions
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    I realy like it..but like already said...Will the lyrics relate to an audience...will people be able to figure out what you are trying to say (verse 1) without you explaining...I had a hard time putting it togeather while knowing what it was about..

    I do like your stuff though....BETTER ALL THE TIME (WEEK)is real cool...good job man..keep it up!! music is awsome also!!

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