Feedback on lyrics please..

philbo said:
The fact that you are asking for feedback tells me something about you:
1) You don't believe in your work because you didn't put your heart into it.
or
2) You are just trolling for hits on your web page.

Either one is enough for me to pass on it.
Click to expand...

Isn't the purpose of this forum to get feedback?

"Hits to my web page"?? LOL! Yea, all 23! Thanks guys, I've MADE IT TO THE BIG TIME!

YOU'RE the troll. Bounce.
 
Thanks Rayc!

When I say "break the day", I'm referring to daybreak. The changing around of the words (break the day, instead of daybreak) and how it is positioned in the song is my should be taken as a hastening of the morning to come. No? What did I miss?


daybreak
[dey-breyk]


noun
1.
the first appearance of daylight in the morning; dawn.


Daybreak | Define Daybreak at Dictionary.com
 
rpm61 said:
I really like the song and lyrics, but, holy U2 clone Batman. Could just be me, but if if I was this close to someone else's signature sound I'd look in a new direction. That says nothing about the music or lyrics, more so the arrangement and sounds. Just IMO, I prefer things to sound unique and original, makes it feel more genuine.

I got nothing about God from the lyrics, I was thinking the guy came home drunk or something and his wife got mad and he couldn't wait for the new day, to get over it. I WAS kinda waiting for some more development of the story at the end, and maybe a resolution, instead of the rehash of the beginning.
Just my opinion, still think you have a very good voice, and the playing sounded good too.
Click to expand...

Sorry to sound like U2! lol! Not by choice, that's just my voice. I guess I can try to sound like Lil Wayne for the next one? haha! Just kidding.

As for lyric meaning, sure, it could be taken that way. Isn't it best to have lyrics that mean something different to different people? Isn't that how music comes to life? I hope people take different meanings away from it. As for me, I know EXACTLY what it means to me. I just posted here to see how others would receive it. ( that was more for philbo who told me to not request feedback on my lyrics in a forum that was created for the purpose of requesting feedback on lyrics)

Thank you for your feedback!!

---------- Update ----------

Thank you for all of your feedback! Except the guy who said I should not ask for lyric feedback in a forum that was created exclusively for asking for songwriting feedback. ;-p

Here is the most recent version: https://soundcloud.com/user4192418/perihelionscratchvocals5-out
 
That's some heavy stuff (the lyrics).

So, does God sleep, or doesn't he? It must be exhausting creating all those Jesus-shaped burn patterns on toast that end up on ebay.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top