Feeback on lyrics/song. Thanks!!

B

brettbuc

Banned
Hi all! I have learned so much from you all! Here's another one for anyone who wants to give feedback. It's a collaboration track. I did lyrics and vocals. https://soundcloud.com/user4192418/last-lulliby14-output-stereo-out

LAST LULLABY:

Hello child
Sorry I was so tired
Was looking at myself when you needed me

Take her hand
Slow it down and understand
How fast time flies by
In a breath she'll be gone

A father cries
give it all up for another try
As he looks into his daughters eyes
Just now begins to realize
he sang his last lullaby

If I could roll back time
You'd be the focus of my eyes
I'd never let you down

Just give me one more try
I swear I'll give you all my time
If i could carry you now
I'd never let you down

Summer breaks
A fathers heart aches
For the little girl he once held in his arms

passed the time
Providing what he thought was right
The years just flew by
In a flash she was gone

If I could roll back time
You'd be the focus of my eyes
I'd never let you down

Just give me one more try
I swear I'll give you all my time
If i could carry you now
I'd never let you down
 
Last edited:
brettbuc said:
lol! Ok...1 for "SUCKS". Any others? If I get 3 "HATES", I'll delete the song and quit music!
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I don't think you should quit music. You sing OK and the lyrics are great. I only imagined a completely different tune while I was reading the lyrics. In my mind it should be something slow and sad but when I finally heard to it the tune sounded off of the lyrics. Does it make sense?
 
YanKleber said:
I don't think you should quit music. You sing OK and the lyrics are great. I only imagined a completely different tune while I was reading the lyrics. In my mind it should be something slow and sad but when I finally heard to it the tune sounded off of the lyrics. Does it make sense?
Click to expand...

That makes sense.
 
I for one think it's a good song. Not what I expected considering the lyrics, but a nice twist. It does sound a bit familiar though, and the fake drums sound, well, fake.
 
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