Clouds Will Fall (original track) work in progress

[rayc]

I've had a couple of friends with perfect pitch - you know the sort who can tell with their back turned that you've played an augmented 9th etc. One was a high school music teacher & superb show song writer and the other a show pony with a party trick. Sadly the former died early & the latter lives on playing the same party trick - excellent ears & a very, very good guitarist but with an ego larger than a Steinway.
My wife has a pretty good ear, you play it & she'll transpose it.
Myself; tin ear would be a compliment and thick ear an understatement.
the point is joy & passion in the end - I get the joy & have the passion - talent is then only a facilitator (or so I keep telling myself).

[Jammeez]

Your Bethany's a cutie-pie! And your track is amazing. I'm a little intimidated, but I'm guessing you've been at it for some time.

I'm very big on variety within a single piece. It's especially important these days when the tracks tend to be 5 minutes or longer. You've done a pretty good job of keeping it fresh throughout, but I do notice the segments where you repeat two vocal notes for several bars. I find myself itching for a surprise.

The beginning is, *dare I say, perfect and beautiful. But the end is a little abrupt. If that's what you were going for, that's cool.

I'll have to listen to this a few more times. Did you use the lyrics "right between my eyes" at all? I heard "right before my eyes" and immediately thought [i]BAM![\i]!

*Perfection is not necessary for beauty, and often detracts from it.

[Phrasemaker]

Thanks Ray, she's very unassuming, as we pretty much all are in this house unless poked with a stick. Developing her talent is the priority, without over burdening her enthusiasm. It's little things like her being able to recite my crappy lyrics while I'm still clinging to the handwritten scrawl for dear life in front of the mic. All good fun.

all the best Ray,

Jammeez,

Thanks for your kind words, I've been recording for 11 months, but in a focused way. It's been a learning curve to say the least. I didn't use "right between my eyes" but there are a couple of subtle word options here and there where it's double tracked to allow choice depending on which word catches the listener. I'll think about your suggestions and observations as they are good points, I have pondered the ending, not sure yet. Time is my issue at the moment, but I'll have another play with this during the holiday, albeit a tad short.

Many thanks

Tim