What More Could You Want From Me?- Original Song

[PTCruiser1801]

Hi everyone.

This new track is inspired by a story I heard recently about someone I know who is battling a serious illness at the moment and treatment after treatment doesn’t seem to be working. They are showing great strength to keep going but it made me wonder how much can one person deal with?

I have nothing else to say about it really. It is a sad situation and I suppose this is just my expression of emotions to it in the only way I know how.

Take what you will from it…

https://soundcloud.com/ptcruiser1801/what-more-could-you-want-from-me

I toss and I turn,
My nightmares still burn,
So bright in my memory.

My freedom and time,
You took what was mine,
Took control of my whole body.

Tell me…
What more could you want from me?

Tell me…
What more could you want from me?

I did what was asked,
Fought to the last,
But became what they said I won’t be.

Can’t stop thinking of you,
What you put me through,
And a future that i’ll never see.

Tell me…
What more could you want from me?

Tell me…
What more could you want from me?

Tell me…
What more could you want from me?

Can’t stop thinking of you,
What you put me through,
And a future that i’ll never see.

 

[Dicus]

Nice song! The lyrics sound authentic and I like how you made the illness a person to sing to.

What you could improve would be, in my opinion, making it a bit shorter somewhere around three quarters where you keep repeating Tell me what more could you want from me? I expected something explosive, some sort of rage coming out. Playing with dynamics, maybe other instruments and, if your voice allows it, some more roughness/edginess.
If you are not planning to do any of that I would make it shorter. In that way you could make it more of a sad song, and emphasize the feeling that you know no way out.

Also I would try to record it again and totally delve into the feelings. For how much emotions the lyrics describe your voice sounds pretty monotone. If you could somehow put more of the emotions of the song into your vocals that would be amazing!

Again, nice song! But I see room for improvement. Good luck with it...

 

[DM60]

I agree with the above. Lots of room for this song to go from good to better. If you have the option you may want to reduce the vocals a bit to let the guitar come through a bit more. Nice guitar playing and recording.

Good little tune.