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Thread: This weekends song attempt.

  1. #1
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    This weekends song attempt.

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    This weekends attempt (If I write a thousand songs one may be ok'ish)



    I wake and I'm old, But I try to be thankful
    You know that I almost died? Did you know that I almost died?
    From a fire that's in my blood, I just long to be peaceful
    'Cus I've been burning up endlessly. Every night I've been burning up endlessly

    And I'll never be cool,
    Well I'll never be good looking
    I'll never be rich I know,
    But lord I am grateful

    Unfold in my eager arms, And I'll lay you down easy
    I just want to know your touch, I just want to know your touch
    'Cus your eyes they're as black as night, Your smile is shining like the galaxy
    You know that I'll treat you right, I will, if only you'd let me

    And I'll never be cool
    Well I'll never be good looking
    I'll never be rich I know
    But lord I am grateful

    Oh, Oh Lord, I am grateful
    Oh, Oh Lord, I am grateful

    And I'll never be cool
    Well I'll never be good looking
    I'll never be rich I know
    But lord I am grateful

    And I'll never be cool
    Well I'll never be good looking
    I'll never be rich I know
    But lord I am grateful
    https://soundcloud.com/tim-summers

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  3. #2
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    Well that sounds pretty good to me. I can't comment on the audio as I am 1000 miles from my monitors atm, but the performances sound really good.

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  5. #3
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    To me the lyrics are too straight forward. "I wake and I'm old"?
    I'd try to spin that a bit better and more obtuse.

    The mix sounds pretty good, as does the performance.

    The main problem is the lyrics. Lyrics should either be poignant and cut to the bone or obtuse. Obvious is never good unless the lyrics are genuine, brutal honesty.

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    Sounds good but it might be helped by simple rhyme like in the cborus or something. Also something that changes the feeling instrumentals to help it build or set the parts apart from each other...great start though!

  7. #5
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    nice song
    gaz

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