Original Song: Losing Touch -- Thoughts/opinions?

J

joshkernel

New member
Hello friends! New member here, really stoked I found this place!
Anyway, I've been writing this here song and I was hoping to get some general feedback and opinions on it. I posted it here instead of the Mixing Clinic because I don't think the problem lies in the mix (although the mix probably does need some more work).
I was ecstatic about this song when I first started writing it but now in its final stages it just isn't giving me the "fuck yea!" feeling I get when I know I've written a good song. Maybe I'm just a bit too close to it? Either way, I'd really love to hear some opinions from people that aren't friends/family on this one. Thanks for taking the time to help me out!
The song itself is about social anxiety (my social anxiety I guess?).

Here's a streaming link: https://soundcloud.com/lefthandshakes/losing-touch-mix04-master01/s-bWWdp

And here's the lyrics for you fellas and lady-fellas:

I've been making plans, plans to make plans
plans to make friends, and plans to make sense
of these ideas that I seem to get stuck on

I come undone in conversation
getting hung up on all of the
subtleties I overthink, oh my god, what's wrong with me?

"Don't act so strange, just make eye contact
Don't sweat, just laugh, react, talk back"

I'm losing touch, losing touch, losing touch
Telling myself
To loosen up, loosen up, loosen up
Telling myself, to hold on

I can put on the best intentions
and I can pretend just enough
for me to seem a bit less unbearable

I've been making plans I don't understand
plans with loose ends that don't make sense
and I can't keep repeating these routines I get stuck on

"Don't act so scared, don't stare, relax
Don't breathe so fast, just smile, it's not that bad"

I'm losing touch, losing touch, losing touch
Telling myself
To loosen up, loosen up, loosen up
Telling myself, to hold on

"Don't act so strange, you'll be okay"
I don't even know why I get so stressed out
"You'll be alright, you'll be just fine"
I know, I know
"Ooh Loosen up" I said "Ooh loosen up, cause you've been losing touch"
"Ooh loosen up" I said "ooh loosen up, ooh, ooh, ooh"

I'm losing touch, losing touch, losing touch
Telling myself
To loosen up, loosen up, loosen up
Telling myself, to hold on
 
I know you're not asking about the mix.........more about the song in general I guess. But to me........the vocal in the mix needs some work. It fights with a number of parts of the song so if you try to listen to the song for the lyrics and what they're saying........it's a strain. Bring the vox up a little. Sometimes we mix our vocals low for two reasons. 1. We know them so well we "think" we hear them just fine. 2. We aren't all that confident in our vocal abilities and the vox mix comes in low and behind everything. So.......think about bringing them up and forward. I like the song :listeningmusic:
 
Ahhh thanks for the feedback! I'm assuming you're referring mostly to the verse vocals? On the past few songs I've written I've had a tendency to make the vocals too loud, I must have overcorrected! I'll try to experiment with bringing those vocals more towards the forefront!
Maybe the problem does indeed lie in the mix after all... could it be the vocal performance as well? I've been struggling to find a good overall style for my voice.
Regardless, thanks for your input!
 
You've got the style down man. Don't worry about that, it evolves with you over time regardless. It's a good song as it is.

Here's what I'd try doing to the mix:
Adding a little more punch to the kick couldn't hurt for the style of song it is. The snare could use more body, especially in the chorus. The drums are fine for the verses IMO, but they could be filled out a lot more for the chorus. If you're still looking for that finishing touch, maybe add some background layers of pads for some parts to build it up more. I always suggest adding some underlying pads for more modern styles like this as they give it a more "polished album" feel for a lack of better wording. Also, yeah the vocals could be brought up just a hair.

Dig the guitar work though, for real. The leads sound like some stuff I did a few months ago with my last band. If you can't get that "fuck yeah" feeling from a certain part, try rewriting a little tag in there. Like solo a lead part in the verse or some shit just for a quick lick. Sounds good to me though.
 
I liked the song very much! The technical details of recordings I will leave out, though vocal could be more pronounced.
The song is nice, message and story very clear.
I would like to see another verse, on ending. How that loneliness ends? Did the subject find someone, what happened to plans, did he really loosen up?
Its not closed, in my opinion.
Melody is very nice.
 
Oooh, yea I didn't even think much about spicing up the drums more. As far as mixing goes, drums are always my weakness! I really like the idea of the guitar lick addition, especially for somewhere in the second verse because right now it's way too similar to the first verse. I'm definitely gonna work something like that in there. As far as pads ago, I totally agree with the "polished album" feel they give but every time I use them they sound either cheesy or way too EDM-esque. Although now that it's been suggested to me maybe I'll have enough motivation to make it work!
Either way, great feedback! Thank you!
 
I feel like I can never come up with enough meaningful stuff to stay to add third verses! I guess I left it open because for me, personally, the whole social anxiety thing is a constant battle. But if it feels like it needs more closure then that's something I definitely can't ignore. Maybe the bridge would be a good place to do that?
 
Didn't really feel like it needed more writing added on. The structure is fine to me. I feel like the end could be beefier though. The busier ending will give it more of a closing feeling.
 
joshkernel said:
As far as pads ago, I totally agree with the "polished album" feel they give but every time I use them they sound either cheesy or way too EDM-esque. Although now that it's been suggested to me maybe I'll have enough motivation to make it work!
Click to expand...

something light, like the root chords or a simple melody on a synth can really fill a song out. most of the time, you don't even really hear it there but it works some magic and just fills the empty space nicely. it's all over modern rock music, very lightly for the most part.
 
I think you did a very good job. Seeing as how everyone has already given all the technical details, I will just say, way-to-go! And welcome to HR! It's a great place! :D
 
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