New song lyrics - looking for constructive criticism

D

davidnyc64

New member
Hey forum,
I recently wrote this song and I'd like to get some feedback.

Thanks,
David


"God only knows"

This city life, these city streets
The strong survive and the weak man weeps
Can we overcome the faults that we claim
Can we right our wrongs, or will things stay the same?
Can we change the world? Can we change our ways?
Can we lead ourselves the way to better days?

God only knows...…repeat

I see an old man / Sleeping on the street
He's got his old dog there sleeping by his feet
He holds a paper cup in his sleeping hand
What will become of this homeless man
Where has he been? what has he seen?
Can he fix his broken life and broken dreams?

God only knows...…..repeat

A teenage mother raising a son on her own
Her boyfriend walked out leaving them both all alone
Not much she can say, there's not much she can do
Can she raise this boy right? can she see things through?

She's grown up too fast and lived beyond her years
Will she find the strength within, despite her frightened tears?

God only knows...…repeat

An addicted man shoots the devil into his veins
An abandoned house where he frees himself from his pain
His family cries and tries to guide him back home
But his heroin mind rejects the love they have shown

Will he fade away into the darkness of his soul?
Will he fight his way back to his loving home?

God only knows...…repeat

God only knows…..end
 
Not much point in critiquing lyrics without music, IMO. There's no reason those couldn't make a good song, but you've got to set them to music.
 
Good voice and playing. Both musically and lyrically, the song drags a bit for me. There's a passivity about both that doesn't draw me in. Your refrain isn't lifting the song like a chorus might. I would have liked to hear some kind of change up, lyrically and musically, to raise the energy level and offer some new twist or perspective on the scenes you describe in the verse. That's my take.
 
I appreciate the feedback. I thought about adding a bridge but I decided to go with straight verses and chorus. I didn't want t make the song too much longer. Thanks again! It's always good to hear what people think.

David
 
I like the song but it begs for a bridge for sure. You almost think one is coming...............you can almost hear it..........but it never happens. If it were me......I'd get rid of my least favorite verse and write in a bridge. That will keep the length down and reinforce the feel of the verses. Make the bridge stand out........of course. Maybe some extra harmony parts..........some breaks.....etc..........then bring it home.
 
Thanks Mickster,
I'm going to revisit the song and add some lyrics for a bridge. I've been wanting to since I finished it, so I guess it's time.

Thanks again for the feedback!
David
 
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