New lyrics I'm working on - kinda stuck

E

esull0585

New member
Home alone on a Friday night
starin out the window at the skyline
there's something alien in those city lights
a grin showed his teeth they were sharp as knives
something 'bout those lights that's just not right

everyone i know is sharpenin their knives
the more we know the less we value our lives
the shadows cast down by those alien lights
have been known to try and set the world on fire
but you can get whatever you desire

....now where the hell could I take it after that? Any suggestions?
 
One thing that occurs to me is that your charater could be drawn into some establishment or another and the song becomes a narrative of some experience inside.

Another tack would be to start the next verse with something that says "The city does not know me..."

Now that you have set the mood I believe you want to become part of the story that unfolds.

Just a couple of thoughts

You have some nice imagery in there but I had trouble making it flow as I read it. You may find it sounding forced as you set it to music.

Just a comment
 
Thanks a lot, Milnoque, I'm definitely gonna toy around with your suggestions.

As for the flow, it's kinda like talk-sing flow, the way they fit the progression I've come up with for 'em. Maybe I'll post a quick sample of just those two verse set to guitar so you get the sound. *edit* Here's a rough recording of what I'm going for with 'em: http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/42093/sample

I definitely appreciate the input. People around here are so cool.
 
esull0585 said:
Home alone on a Friday night
starin out the window at the skyline
there's something alien in those city lights
a grin showed his teeth they were sharp as knives
something 'bout those lights that's just not right

everyone i know is sharpenin their knives
the more we know the less we value our lives
the shadows cast down by those alien lights
have been known to try and set the world on fire
but you can get whatever you desire
Click to expand...

Inside the abduction zone

_________________________

Kind of has a Hotel California from space sense to me.
 
Write something about the outcome!, something like 'where it all leads, only fate can tell...but in the end it sends us all to our own personal hell''...? something like that! I like songs that dont follow the 'verse bridge chorus' thing...maybe because I'm not good enough to always hit that mark aha.
 
If I were staring out a window and seeing aliens, wrongness, shadows, etc., I'd probably start wondering why a. It was happening, and b. why I'm seeing it/what I'm feeling about it. I'd want an explanation, or at least a speculation.

I started thinking the next verse would start with something like "Maybe it's the...something..." lonely, wine, smell, government, water, whatever...
 
Hook (line); then Chorus;then verse.

This is not always how a song comes to us, but at some point we must exercise this approach. You have hit an impasse with these lyrics because they do not know where they are going? They seem like Verses? Even if you want to follow a trad. ballade form you should try to write a refrain for the end of each verse.

I think there is actually some potential Hooks/Ch in what you have written as it seems more symbolic

Potential Ch

Walking streets on a Friday night
I burn alone in alien light
Shadows cast down and want to bite
With vampire teeth sharp as knives
Something 'bout those lights
Something 'bout each nights
Now your gone

A song about loneliness or encroaching insanity because 'she/he' has gone.

HTH
Burt
 
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