Needing some help please.

witm8

Member
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EDIT 05-April-2017: Nothing happening here anymore - song completed and moved on to something else :thumbs up: https://soundcloud.com/tim-summers/picture-with-you
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I’ve hit a wall, and need an extra verse (and possibly a middle verse that I’m not happy with either) if anyone out there fancies a challenge hey ;)

This is what I have got so far, and I’ve grabbed a guitar and mic so you get the really basic idea for how the song is intending to sound (will pad out loads more obviously).


This verse is staying as I’m more than happy with it:

Playing with fire, how I lost my soul
Just being used, like a dirty ‘ole hole
A model of travesty, falling through gravity
I try to get a grip, but slip on insanity
It’s part of the game, no one hears me and never wants to see me again
There’s nothing I can do, now I realise I am a picture with you


This I’m not overly keen on:

I said I loved you, Under the statue
Of the soldier, on horseback
That’s where I told ya, we’d be together, forever
It’s part of the game, but no one hears me and never wants to see me again
There’s nothing I can do, now I realise I am a picture with you


We’ve also got this as an option somewhere:

My body is crippled with anguish and hate
And I don’t want to seal your fate
I know you have been through a lot as well
But being apart is a living hell
It’s part of the game, no one hears me and never wants to see me again
There’s nothing I can do, now I realise I am a picture with you


And also possibly this:

Fake memories were taking hold
With all of these lies we are being told
I shouldn’t win, but we wouldn’t loose
I tried to find some other way, but couldn’t choose
It’s part of the game, no one hears me and never wants to see me again
There’s nothing I can do, now I realise I am a picture with you



I’m trying a different way of writing a song this time – not that I’ve had much/any experience. I don’t actually technically want a chorus – my ‘chorus’ I just want to tag onto the end of each verse (it’s part of the game, but no one hears me etc…….)

I will put a guitar break in there somewhere – harmony on my ‘chorus’. Maybe some strings in the background – you know, just try and jazz things up a bit. Then do all the mixing. This soundcloud song is really just in the really really early ideas stage.

Ideas / thoughts ?? and thanks in advance
 
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Hey mate....I really like the tune..
Nice and chilled and I like the lyrics and vocals...I'll have another listen over the weekend when i get more time (if i get more time) and will help if I can

Fwiw I liked how the words of your second verse fit with the song.

What's the story/message of the song? (If any)

All the best
Darren
 
Quick Update:

I added some additional guitar last night when I had a few spare minutes - they're far too loud at the moment but it gives the gist of things on how I want this to proceed. (also sang through the other potential verses so I could cut and re-arrange if I had time).



Also, I'm mortified about that second verse now :facepalm: Verse 1 are lyrics that I've had kicking around for years and years which I've never used, but the second verse actually happened.

There's this statue outside a pub that I used to frequent. I googled it last night just to put myself back in the scene, to see if it evoked any memories that I'd forgotten about to add somewhere in the song - turns out he ain't on horseback at all lol. God knows why I thought that he ever was :D

http://d20u174ifpwkls.cloudfront.ne...1/hills-road-memorial-2013-e1384185040101.jpg
 
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Hi Pal....Sorry been away a few days so haven't had much time to work on lyrics...I did have a go just before i went but wasn't happy with what I'd written! I'll listen to your changes and try again over the next week ;) Lol about the statue!! Maybe you could change the lyrics to "of a soldier, NOT on horseback" :P

Take it easy pal
Darren
 
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Great tune mate! Sorry I didn't get around to helping out but you didn't need it any how!! Great lyrics imo and to a really nice song. Your voice lends it so well to the track and the guitar is really effective, I really enjoyed your solos, very dreamy.

Good stuff pal

All the best
Darren
 
Thanks! I don't think that it ended up too bad in the end.

I was messing about on Friday, and started working on a 'dance' tune for something COMPLETELY different. I've never ever attempted anything like this, and to be honest I'm still wondering why - but it's just another learning experience, and more time trying to work out Logic Pro.

I may end up nicking some of the lyrics that you sent over on that other thread - For a guitar song I usually have a 'theme' and work around that, but a dance song - just give me some words and I'll fit them in somewhere.

https://soundcloud.com/tim-summers/dance-number/s-N0xev
 
I may end up nicking some of the lyrics that you sent over on that other thread - For a guitar song I usually have a 'theme' and work around that, but a dance song - just give me some words and I'll fit them in somewhere.

Which lyrics would they be? Anything I have posted on here you are free to use :) and fair play to you trying your hand at a different genre!! I hope it works out...post it up when it's done, I'd be interested to listen (BTW the link didn't work so I assume you have taken down the track you had posted..)

All the best
Darren
 
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