Lyrics & Song

D

Darren1664

New member
Hello there

I am new around here so do feel cheeky making my first post a lyric critique but I suppose I have to start somewhere.

BTW - I am very new to home recording and I used to be so naive to it all. The work that goes in to creating a good sounding song is immense so well done to all those that do it!

Any way...Lyrics and a poorly recorded Soundcloud version of the song. Thanks in advance :)

Almighty above, he came down below
but didn't know how it felt to feel so alone
and so he felt for himself the highs and the lows
the peaks and the troughs and the knocks and the blows.

And this world that we live in was no place for him
so he went back to heaven to start again
to rethink the rules and the laws of his land
and to give us some slack within his command.

Because humans we are and humans we'll be
we all make mistakes eventually
there's not one of us perfect, no one a saint
not one of us that's worthy to pass through those gates.

And why would we try?
If the mountains too steep and too high to climb
you can't blame us for stopping with so far to go
can't blame us for turning to head back below.

And so lonely one night he comes to me
and says 'Darren just be the best you can be
because it's all that I ask now and all that I need
as I've been there myself and I know how it feels

To love, lose, smile and bruise
to hurt, fear and succumb to booze
and to worry for money, shelter and food
and to pray for help and for god to refuse.

https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/almighty-above

All the best

Darren
 
Hi and welcome to the forum :)

I very much like the lyrics and the subject, the guitar arrangement is well presented and support well the songs. listened to it 3 times, the guitar on the risght could come up a bit as there is some very nice touch that could be emphasize at time on the quiet parts.

The lead vocal is in tune, and well suited for this song. There might be a breathing issue when you come at the end of a long phrasing, this can be tackled with a bit a practice of the lyrics and marking the spot where you can breathe and feels natural .

Great tune and great arrangement, well done :)
 
Very much appreciate the feedback Crycookie. Especially the tips on the guitar and vocals - I am trying to practice breathing exercises etc daily to improve but never thought about thinking of when to breathe. I plan on re recording at some point but I keep getting side tracked with other project and home recording seems like a steep (but rewarding :)) learning curve.

Again thank you very much for the feedback. All the best Darren :)
 
Hi Darren,

I often mark my own lyrics with the breathing, it helps a lot. First I record it possibly 2-3 times without thinking too much about it then I tried to identify, when I struggle for long phrasing or when the breathing can be part of the full arrangement. It does wonders :)

Anyhow you have there a great tune Looking forward to hear more :)
 
I really like the feel of this song, and the way you have sung it. I suggest focusing on tightening up the vocals, perhaps concentrating more the phrasing and perhaps even editing the words -- but not too much, cause the phrasing is a big hook for the song...
 
Thank you very much for your feedback jgwire. I think vocals is something I really need to work on generally. I will have another go at this song :) by the way I'm not entirely sure what phrasing means...something for me to go and research ;)

Thanks again mate! Take care
 
Rather than start another thread for my work I thought I'd just continue posting here. I am like my own fanboy :P ah well nevermind. Thanks to anyone that listens and critiques.

So here's another song and lyric. The recording was pants. Plenty of guitar mistakes and then you can hear the mic turning on just before the vocals. I'm just really struggling with the recordings but anyway here goes...

Give it Time

All good things must come to an end sometime
everthing will be alright
everything is healed with time

All bad things must come to an end sometime
everything's going to be alright
you just have to give it time.

https://soundcloud.com/user-41129754/give-it-time
 
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