"Just another day in the city" Looking for feedback on the lyrics.

D

davidnyc64

New member
I recently wrote this song and thought I'd post the lyrics and get some feedback.
Thanks in advance.

Verse 1
Woke up six this morning / Gotta catch the early train
Kisses goodbye to my family / that's the life of a working man
Walking East on 33rd st / Looking up at the morning sky
All these people pushing past me / tired faces pass me by

Chorus
Just another day in the city
That's where I wanna be
Just another day in the city
That's alright with me

Verse 2
Crowded streets surround me / smell of Autumn in the air
people smoking in the doorways / tourists scramble everywhere
Everyone's on a cell phone / homeless man hoping for some change
yellow taxi speeding past me / I guess some things just stay the same

Chorus
Just another day in the city
That's where I wanna be
Just another day in the city
That's alright with me

Bridge
Sometimes I go and I sit down and look around me
I close my eyes and I just listen……..to the sounds of the city
the sounds of the city

Verse 3
People having conversations / sometimes they're laughing out loud
people asking for directions / sometimes they just follow the crowd
Singers singing down in the subway / sometimes they're dancing in the street
this city is such a part of me / I guess it will always be

Chorus
Just another day in the city
That's where I wanna be
Just another day in the city
That's alright with me

Just another day in the city
That's where I wanna be
Just another day in the city
That's alright with me
 
I don't enjoy offering feedback to other writers - each of us have our visions and I prefer not to judge someones art - it can be very awkward if the writer presents something that offers litlle to be positive about.

That bing said - I like your lyrics, they tell a clear, relatable story.

The only thing I saw (and this is a minor issue, simply because I'm very anal about continuity of the story line) ..... the charactor takes a train into the city, which suggests he/she has abandoned the city for family life in the suburbs ....yet, the charactor loves the city (that's where I want to be).

Certainly it could be logical that the charactor chooses to raise a family away from the city (the city ain't no place be, when you're raising a family) ....... but still enjoys the energy of the city ................. it simply seems the continuity is slightly inconsistant.

That being said - good lyrics!
 
Hey Xdrummer, thank you for taking time to read the my lyrics. The song came about from growing up in NYC and working there for the past 25 years. I recently found out that my company is moving to Jersey City which bummed me out. I wanted to capture my daily routine and things I see on a daily basis. Basically I'm going to miss being there. I hope it came through.

Thanks again!
David
 
You're being a bit nitpicky there Xdrummer... :D

I get up at 6 each morning and catch the early train too... but I still live in the city... the city can be the CBD, or the greater suburban area - or however you want to define it. I get the lyric... In my case, the suburbs start on the other side of the road from where I live... :D

I like the fact that after the first verse it went into "I like the city" rather than "I hate the city" which was what I was expecting...

But it's all going to depend upon the music and how you fit the various different lines in against it...
 
Great write David! Love the fact that it's a clear story that everyone can follow. Sorry to hear that you're company is moving. Hope you'll get into a new routine sooner than later!
 
Thank you Armistice! I appreciate the your time and your comment. The city offers so much and I have to take the good with the bad.

Cheers!
 
Thank you songcat! I appreciate your comment. Yeah it's a bumming me out to be moving but living there and working there for so many years, it's going to take some time to adjust.

Thanks again for your time!

David
 
Armistice said:
But it's all going to depend upon the music and how you fit the various different lines in against it...
Click to expand...
And as a lover of lyrics, this is the key. Lyrics written down without any musical or song context is a bit like looking at a great looking set of headphones and assuming that they'll be great without actually listening through them or looking at a car that has been cleaned up for sale and declaring it wonderful without driving it.
It is rarely simply the lyric that gets someone to listen to a song, even to those that love lyrics. And it doesn't really matter how wonderful the lyrics are if the song is boring or bland or rubbish. Whereas, you can easily love a song with the crummiest lyrics ever. Great lyrics are not a prerequisite for a great song. But great music {ie a great arrangement} is.
I'm currently reading Bruce Cockburn's autobiography and every so often, he prints the lyrics of one of his songs. Now, Cockburn is an above average and often very deep lyricist {I have 11 of his albums ~ I know !} but is musically brilliant too. The lyrics that he prints in the book, that are from songs I'm not familiar with, pretty much pass over my head. Whereas the ones that I know are so much part of the song that even as I'm reading them, I'm playing the song in my head and therefore, they come alive and have a context and a relevance.
I always feel that when people put up their lyrics for our opinions without the music, it's kind of like showing someone a picture of your house and asking for opinions even though the people you're asking haven't seen the inside which is the context you need to have a truer perspective.
 
The songs starts with morning and trip to the city
Shouldn't it end with return to suburbs and the evening train?
Whats the conclusion, the end of this story?
I think that would be good to have either in final verse, chorus or bridge.
 
It's a good write, but doesn't really 'go anywhere'. You tell us everythiing you see, but how does it make you feel?
In line 2: Kisses goodbye to my family should be 'Kiss' Kisses woudl be form a 3rd person view.

For lyric critiques, you might want to try a songwriting forum like the one at musesmuse.com
 
I would go with some more concrete imagery. Instead of "Autumn in the air" I would reference what specifically that smells like (Burning leaves? Rotting piles of grass?). Get more specific about the yellow taxi rushing past you. Maybe you could nail down what shade of yellow, or what it does to the air as it rushes past you. Likewise I would go into more description of the homeless man - what he looks like, what he's wearing, what his shill is. That might draw the listener in more than vague references to things we all (city-dwellers) experience.
 
StoneJack said:
The songs starts with morning and trip to the city
Shouldn't it end with return to suburbs and the evening train?
Whats the conclusion, the end of this story?
I think that would be good to have either in final verse, chorus or bridge.
Click to expand...


There's really no end to the story since I'm still living it. It was just a daily account of what I see day to day.

Thank you for you feedback,

David
 
Great advice, thank you. I'm learning to be more descriptive in my writing. I was listening to someone talking about writing literature and they spoke of the same things.

Thank you for your feedback,
David
 
Good job. The chorus lets you down. The bland statement of content doesn't take the song anywhere. There must be some tension. Is the speaker sacrificing something for his love of being in the city? His family maybe, or the time he spends commuting? What is he doing there? Is he driven somehow, by ambitions or fears or habits? Just a few thoughts.
 
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