It sounds like you're trying to put a square peg in a round hole.
What I mean by this, is that the chord progression is doing one thing and your vocal line is doing something totally different. Well, not totally different, because the rhythm of your melody kind of matches, but the tonal centre of your melody seems 'wrong'.
Just listening again I think your chord progression is Dm, G, Em, A......Now these chords really don't exist in one key as such....well they do but not in the sense that you're playing them.
For instance, taking the same four chords play:
A, Dm, Em, Em
A, Dm, G, G
Now you can strum 2 beats or 4 beats on each chord, it doesn't matter.
The progression should still sound as if it is in A.
Actually I've just figured out why this combination of chords is very difficult to get sounding right.
The majority of ALL Western music (classical, pop, jazz etc) is based on diatonicism. This basically means music based upon a key (a scale if you will). In C major, the chords that make up this key comprise three major chords, C, F and G: three minor chords, Dm, Em and Am and a diminished chord on B, namely B-D-F. About 66% of all music is harmonised using what we call the primary chords (the three major chords).
Basically, your collection of four chords are outside the majority of keys.
For instance, in the key of C, you would need an F and C chord to match the G you have.
In the key of G, you would need a C and a D (major not minor) to match the G you have.
In the key of A, you would need a D (major not minor) and an E (major not minor) to match the A you have
In the key of Dm, you need a G (minor not major) and an A (which you have). G major will also work in Dm, but the Em will not.
Now all this we can take with a pinch of salt, because great music breaks the rules and sets 'new rules'.
Listening again to your melody line, you might have more joy using Dm, Bb, C, G.....but it's a kind of kludge. The melody for me is the problem......
Actually I've just banged it out on the piano....the chords are a tone lower than I thought so Cm, F, Dm, G....If you add an Eb chord to the progression it will work much better and start sounding a bit like Rufus Wainwright....namely:
Cm, Eb, Fm, G (or Dm, F, Gm, A in my original key).
Hope that hasn't confused you and actually helped you.
Al
