Hello people, new member, would love some feedback on a tune

Alan Hickey

Alan Hickey

New member
Hello people, here's the tune:



Link to song on SC

https://soundcloud.com/alan-hickey-3/desert-river-demo-alan-hickey

I'm new to singing, only started a year ago when I picked up a guitar again out of boredom (after not playing for a decade) but I've written a ton of songs and not really sure if I should bother recording them.

It's not my best performance, it was done in one take because I've got to do it again when I can afford a better guitar (I'm using a Yamaha FG 403ms and I'm saving up for a Guild M120). But I would love some feedback, I posted this demo elsewhere and as of yet no-one's replied.

If you've got any tips on anything I'd love to hear them, I have a thick skin.


Edited to add the lyrics if you're interested and can't hear past my nasaly Nottingham accent.

The Desert river's calling out to me
Its ripples etched upon my brain
Fed by a lonely mountain stream
Bringing hope where none remains
Bringing life into the desert sands
Among the war and the ruin
The people 'round it do a dusty dance
Just like they don't know what they're doing


I watched you from the helicopter rear
A cloud of dust obscures my view
Devastation laying
Here and there
Our plight is nothing to do with you

Will you still be here in a thousand years?
When the dam above you turns to dust
And all the people pack their things and leave
And all their guns all turn to rust
 
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I'm not sure why no one else has commented yet. This is beautiful, man. I love it. If you really only started singing a year ago, then I hate you! :) I think you've got a great voice -- very comforting and a great tone.

This sounds great for a demo. The acoustic is a little boomy on the low end, but that's a nitpick. I just enjoyed the song and performance too much to get bogged down in the details. The only thing I didn't care for all that much was the ending. It sounded too abrupt to me. Since this is a demo, I'm not sure if you've even considered the ending yet. Maybe you could repeat the "Our plight is nothing ...." line with changing chords beneath it and fade on that or something. Or at least have an instrumental bit at the end and fade on that or something.

Anyway, thanks for sharing. The song is definitely a keeper, and I'd reckon that many of your other songs are certainly worth recording! :)
 
famous beagle said:
I'm not sure why no one else has commented yet. This is beautiful, man. I love it. If you really only started singing a year ago, then I hate you! :) I think you've got a great voice -- very comforting and a great tone.

This sounds great for a demo. The acoustic is a little boomy on the low end, but that's a nitpick. I just enjoyed the song and performance too much to get bogged down in the details. The only thing I didn't care for all that much was the ending. It sounded too abrupt to me. Since this is a demo, I'm not sure if you've even considered the ending yet. Maybe you could repeat the "Our plight is nothing ...." line with changing chords beneath it and fade on that or something. Or at least have an instrumental bit at the end and fade on that or something.

Anyway, thanks for sharing. The song is definitely a keeper, and I'd reckon that many of your other songs are certainly worth recording! :)
Click to expand...


Thank you for the detailed feedback, I was beginning to think I didn't exist. The web's a saturated place when it comes to music and it's difficult to get people to listen, so thank you.

Regarding the boomy acoustic, you're right. I don't have any headphones (that work) so I had to mix on laptop speakers. When I listened to the song at my brother's house to test if it had uploaded right to Soundcloud I noticed the same thing through his PC speakers.

As for the abruptness of the ending, yes I agree, it was simply because that's when I stopped playing the guitar so I just finished with a piano chord, lazy I know. I think your suggestion is a good one. When I do it for real that's what I'll do.
 
Its a great sound, and the lyrics are interesting. I can't figure out exactly what they are talking about. Or to whom they are directed. But you've got a great voice, and you are quite talented on the guitar. Keep up the good work. (Though if you could give me a meaning for your lyrics, it'd be greatly appreciated. ;) )
 
Resurrect said:
Its a great sound, and the lyrics are interesting. I can't figure out exactly what they are talking about. Or to whom they are directed. But you've got a great voice, and you are quite talented on the guitar. Keep up the good work. (Though if you could give me a meaning for your lyrics, it'd be greatly appreciated. ;) )
Click to expand...

Thanks for the very kind feedback, and thanks for taking the time to listen.

I did actually answer your question in a TL;DR post that contained half my life story and then deleted it, I think it's best left to the imagination for several reasons. Y'know, got to keep up the mystique to all five of my SoundCloud followers. ;)
 
The feedback I've been getting from a couple of professional working musicians is that the demo's good enough to release "as is" rather than waiting for new guitar (which I'm still a long way from being able to afford so it could be months), so I did some cover art and put it on Bandcamp. Here's the link if anyone's interested:

Desert River | Alan Hickey
 
Alan Hickey said:
Thanks for the very kind feedback, and thanks for taking the time to listen.

I did actually answer your question in a TL;DR post that contained half my life story and then deleted it, I think it's best left to the imagination for several reasons. Y'know, got to keep up the mystique to all five of my SoundCloud followers. ;)
Click to expand...

Haha! :) Made me laugh. And you're very welcome.
 
It starts out wonderful,
but becomes rapidly very monotonic and repetitive,
I'd think it needs a better chorus, an eruption of emotion sort of.
 
StoneJack said:
It starts out wonderful,
but becomes rapidly very monotonic and repetitive,
I'd think it needs a better chorus, an eruption of emotion sort of.
Click to expand...

Thanks for listening, it did actually have a different chorus but this was the better of the two. I've got too many songs I'm currently working on to rewrite it, maybe when I record it for the album, I'll change a few notes with the vocal to be less repetitive and add a few guitar licks. I think as musicians we're always trying to strike a balance between being catchy and being repetitive, but yeah, I could definitely work on changing things up a little. I like Famous Beagles suggestion of changing the ending, I think I'm gonna go with different chords the last time out.
 
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Alan Hickey said:
Thanks for listening, it did actually have a different chorus but this was the better of the two. I've got too many songs I'm currently working on to rewrite it, maybe when I record it for the album, I'll change a few notes with the vocal to be less repetitive and add a few guitar licks. I think as musicians we're always trying to strike a balance between being catchy and being repetitive, but yeah, I could definitely work on changing things up a little. I like Famous Beagles suggestion of changing the ending, I think I'm gonna go with different chords the last time out.
Click to expand...

Well, in that case, sure you can add a nice different bridge too :)
 
Alan Hickey said:
Hello people, here's the tune:



Link to song on SC

https://soundcloud.com/alan-hickey-3/desert-river-demo-alan-hickey

I'm new to singing, only started a year ago when I picked up a guitar again out of boredom (after not playing for a decade) but I've written a ton of songs and not really sure if I should bother recording them.

It's not my best performance, it was done in one take because I've got to do it again when I can afford a better guitar (I'm using a Yamaha FG 403ms and I'm saving up for a Guild M120). But I would love some feedback, I posted this demo elsewhere and as of yet no-one's replied.

If you've got any tips on anything I'd love to hear them, I have a thick skin.


Edited to add the lyrics if you're interested and can't hear past my nasaly Nottingham accent.

The Desert river's calling out to me
Its ripples etched upon my brain
Fed by a lonely mountain stream
Bringing hope where none remains
Bringing life into the desert sands
Among the war and the ruin
The people 'round it do a dusty dance
Just like they don't know what they're doing


I watched you from the helicopter rear
A cloud of dust obscures my view
Devastation laying
Here and there
Our plight is nothing to do with you

Will you still be here in a thousand years?
When the dam above you turns to dust
And all the people pack their things and leave
And all their guns all turn to rust
Click to expand...

Hey -- I'm new to this forum, so I'm about six months late to this discussion...i just wanted to say I love this song. For me anyway, it's a stand out among the many songs, demos and mixes I've heard on this forum so far. Great lyrics and melody, but I do agree that it gets repetitious after the first verse, It just needs to continue to build and needs a little restructuring to emphasize it. If you are still working on it, might I suggest waiting till "Bringing life..." to add piano? Also, then going a little higher vocally and perhaps bringing in backing vocals at the 'I watched you..." - which seems to be the chorus? That's where i really need to hear something different to keep me interested. And the ending does need something more; it's a little to abrupt. But again, great work. I've enjoyed listening numerous times. Thanks and good luck.
 
First of all, I really enjoyed this. Your music and vocals remind me of Guster. Not sure if you are familiar with them, if not, take it as a compliment. I agree a stronger chorus would have made this an even more interesting listen although even as is it was a plesent song. If time won't permit a rewrite, I wonder if some additional instruments, maybe strings or mandolin towards the end would build some intensity. Just a thought. Either way, Nice tune!

Tom
 
This is really good.
I think you need to get over the hump of "Am I good enough" and just go all in. You are way more than good enough to warrant it.
I think the production needs some cleaning up...get some used monitors or something and practice your mixing. There is a ton anyone can do to improve without buying a single additional thing.
 
Alan,

I love the C major chord you use over the lyric "Here and there." Since you are in the key of B-flat major, this sounds to me like a V/V secondary dominant, which then resolves to the IV chord (E-flat major). How did you know I am a sucker for this chord? :-)

Also you have a great voice. Overall, excellent song!

Best of luck to you,
Eric
 
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