Feedback on my lyrics? Constructive criticism appreciated

LeighJamesJC

New member
Title: Sometime Past and Never Again

Sometimes I feel the road ahead has twisted
Veered off into some tall shadow
I hold my hands out to meet whatever it is,
And feel whatever I was holding let go

And I know it well
When you're in the good days you can't quite tell
And I know you too
And so I find it hard to move

I'm floating and I can't find the shore
I can see a storm is coming in
We held each other once before
Sometime past and never again

There are moments where i cannot catch my breath
As though old memories shed off dust and smoke
I hold my hands out to clutch my chest
Calm the silent beast that woke

And I know it well
The feeling of that night as it fell
And I know you too, that's what makes this hard to lose

Something came and shut closed all the doors
The path has faded in the brush, and met it's end
We held each other once before
Sometime past and never again

Never again
Never again
Never again
Never again
 
In my experience, most people here are considering the melody and arrangement before the lyrics. Without that, it's a poem. In the context of a song, there are many variables, particularly phrasing, that can drastically affect how the lyrics are perceived.
 
For me, lyrics come last. There are some who write lyrics first, I can't.

I occasionally write lyrics first, not the whole thing though. Just a couple of lines and a melody will pop into my head and I'll work the music out from there.

LJJC, there's no real donkeys in your lyrics, it does seem pretty general and derivative though, but there's nothing too cringeworthy wrong with them.. Seems like you're writing about a very general over arching feeling. If you try writing about something more specific, you'll probably find that the lyrics get more interesting and focused.
 
I'd personally ditch words like "path", "road", "storm", and "shadow" unless they really fit the music (like "river" in a blues song).
Otherwise they are hackneyed and overly broad as Jdod sensed.

I don't think the lyrics are great or awful outside of those words. The rest seem middle of the road. The great thing is by writing more you'll get better, so try to write lyrics every day and study what you consider to be good lyrics and find the common themes, then apply that knowledge to your own style.
 
The lyric you've constructed throws together too many inconsistent images to serve a narrative.
Sometimes I feel the road ahead has twisted - OK - road analogy/metaphor.
Veered off into some tall shadow - veered off continues this good but TALL shadow doesn't fit.
I hold my hands out to meet whatever it is, - in the tall shadow? do you reach out in your veering off?
And feel whatever I was holding let go - hands out to meet but they are holding something else & that something let's go?
Hey, if it scans and sounds good with a melody it matters not a jot BUT as a narrative it doesn't hold together for two lines.
 
Agree ... inconsistent images. After reading it i am still nor sure of your point or plot. Try sharpening your intent and thought instead of using fancy images.
 
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