BillyBucker
New member
Hi all! I'm working on this song and thought it might be helpful to have some feedback. The vocals are scratch one take on cheap mic through garage band! I just wanted to get the lyrics down to see how it all flowed before I went to work putting them down for a final take. I did something weird at the bridge. I did a spoken word/rap/whatever you want to call it. I just went with whatever came to my head and repeated it a bit. By no means is that what I want lyrically, just wanted feedback on if doing something like this was dumb, or works. Perhaps if any real rappers/spoken word people want to add that part?
Any feedback on the songwriting/lyrics/etc.? Thanks!!
https://soundcloud.com/user4192418/break-me-downacre-mix
Here are the lyrics:
Hold me now
Tighter than you ever have
The light flickers out
The darkness it creeps back in
Walk with me, talk with me
Hold me one last time before it’s over
Yesterday seems far away tonight
Break me down
Take me from this town
I can’t take this anymore
I came to talk
The silence is defining
A house built on the rock
But the walls they’re closing in on me
Walk with me, talk with me
Hold me one last time before it’s over
Yesterday seems far away tonight
Break me down
Take me from this town
I can’t take this anymore
All my life, tried to do what was right
I can’t take this fight no more
Break me…
I thought I did it all for love
I thought He sent you from above
Rap part.
Any feedback on the songwriting/lyrics/etc.? Thanks!!
https://soundcloud.com/user4192418/break-me-downacre-mix
Here are the lyrics:
Hold me now
Tighter than you ever have
The light flickers out
The darkness it creeps back in
Walk with me, talk with me
Hold me one last time before it’s over
Yesterday seems far away tonight
Break me down
Take me from this town
I can’t take this anymore
I came to talk
The silence is defining
A house built on the rock
But the walls they’re closing in on me
Walk with me, talk with me
Hold me one last time before it’s over
Yesterday seems far away tonight
Break me down
Take me from this town
I can’t take this anymore
All my life, tried to do what was right
I can’t take this fight no more
Break me…
I thought I did it all for love
I thought He sent you from above
Rap part.