Working On A New Song- Honest Thoughts?

[AaronChapman]

If you were sitting in front of me with your guitar I would be looking for a subtle vocal relief of monotony. High notes with angst to mix it up & break the somber tone. I was singing the melody I would put in (at least the first note) & you went there on your little musical interlude is where it was (1:33).....This is the Chorus you need

I was singing something like this repeat 2X (dummy words) This should be your title phrase too.

"And Tiiiiiiiiiiiii-----mmme doesn't change a-thing....
Tiiiiiiiiiiiii-----mmme doesn't change a-thing.....

Now....with that being said all I did was sing the same melody with your title & it fits like a glove....

Thoughtsssss (of a) quie--t mannnnn........
Thoughtsssss (of a) quie--t mannnnn........

I would incorporate that as a Chorus/hook after each verse as it it catchy and gives much needed change to the mood of song...

And you can end the tune with it too....

Thanks for listening . It seems like most people agree some kind of vocal relief is required. I like your suggestions, Steve . I'll try a few things.

---------- Update ----------

Thanks, I appreciate it

 

[andrushkiwt]

I won't tell you what the song means to me since I'd prefer you to interpret the song your own way.

............................

The whole song is about the cynical behavior of the tired man. The man's tiredness is caused by his inability to connect with other, the consequence of his narrow ambitions. The tired man alienated himself and his friend by valuing his own thoughts more than the concerns of others.

So much for interpreting ourselves. That didn't last too long, huh

 

[AaronChapman]

So much for interpreting ourselves. That didn't last too long, huh

HAha, I got a bit too carried away, my bad. I hope I didn't sound snooty, re-reading my comment I come across a little brash. I was just trying to see where Robus conclusion fit in with the song about the Megalomania. I kind of had to go through my interpretation to see what he mean't, after doing so what he said made perfect sense. I should have kept it to myself, though . Sorry about that. Who knows, I could have it all wrong. I've written a few songs in the past in which I felt a certain way but overtime I might discover I was wrong or that the intention of the song was misplaced .

 

[AaronChapman]

I should have the better mix uploaded sometime this week. I've added a little chorus in areas, altered the tuning some, and I'm trying a more confident approach. We'll see how it goes.

 

[andrushkiwt]

I should have the better mix uploaded sometime this week. I've added a little chorus in areas, altered the tuning some, and I'm trying a more confident approach. We'll see how it goes.

Looking forward to it, it was really good to begin with.

I agree with your first statement about letting people decipher lyrics themselves. For one, "I", "you", "me", "her" etc.. is almost never what they seem, and only the lyricist, and sometimes not even them, can tell you what those things mean. It's better to let people find their own meaning in the words, if they choose to at all. The key is write something anyone can identify with. Of course, that's all subjective, and you can write any damn thing you want

looking forward to the re-write.