WATCH a collab with Fritzthegirl & Ido1957

I think the mix is pretty good on headphones. On laptop speakers the snare is a little prominent. The effect/doubling on the chorus is cool but on the last verse the song seems to drop a bit in intensity with the single vocal. fritsthegirl maybe you could spice up the chorus with harmony vocals to make it a little more different. Kudos to you for the vocal melody an performance - I struggle (and fail usually) to compose vocals over a chord pattern. Overall I think this is working out well. And I'll take the Les Paul Traditional Pro from Greg's house after you're done poking around...lol
 
OK, so this will make me unpopular, but...

I'm not sure which mix I'm listening to (bottom one, original post), but I'm not hearing the vocals "in the mix", they seem to be floating on top somewhat... and I think a bit more variety in delivery wouldn't go astray. And FTG, your pitch is wavering/and or off a little on the long held notes at the end of the phrases - exact same problem I have ...few lip smacks as VHS has mentioned, bit more dynamism perhaps towards the end of the song wouldn't go astray, it's all a bit the same? Just a thought.

Lyrically, whenever I hear "I keep a close watch" I'm reminded of The Blackeyed Susans (this won't mean jack to anyone but Ray) doing Close Watch off the Welcome Stranger album, although the songs are otherwise completely different.. exact same phrase. I think that was a cover, actually..

Ido's cameo guitar solo is a bit overcompressed for mine and clearly a drop in - I'm getting timing and tuning/intonation issues, I hate to say... listen to those single notes at 1.43-1.45 and tell me I'm wrong... I also don't think it fits the song particularly well, stylistically. I'd be looking for something a bit more "alt" and angular... whatever that means.

I like the backing and the song, and with some decent drums it could be lifted nicely.

I want to like it but this one's not hanging together for me... sorry guys, much as I like your individual stuff..:)

Feel free to ignore me... long dull week at work.. probably not the best time to listen.
 
Arm,
Nothing wrong with being honest. It was posted for suugestions and yours are constructive and precise.
Ido, thanks mate.
there were complaints about the solo being overprocessed so I stripped the Tubebaby VST from it and left it naked. I think, as we agreed when it was first done, it was a little too naked. I'll listen to it again & adjust any tiime related issues.

Close watch is the title & I Keep A Close Watch is the main refrain for a John Cale song - much covered - including by the BES (post Triffids supergroup).
Cale's lyrics (slightly Susaned):

Never win and never lose
There's nothing much to choose
Between the right and wrong

Nothing lost and nothing gained
Still things aren't quite the same
Between you and me

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine

I still hear your voice at night
When I turn out the light and try to settle down

But there's nothing I can do
'Cause I can't live without you anyway at all

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep a close watch on this heart of mine

We'll put this project on hold while we reassess the progress and potential mods.
Def need to dump the drums.
Still unsure about the texture for that matter.
Thanks for the input folks.
 
Hey, is it a doubled vocal or a short delay on the vocals on the most recent mix? For me, I don't think it quite works as you're getting an odd delayed lipsmack here and there. The vocals do sound a more even level on mix 3 though. I think the solo's a bit high in the mix as well.

Really like the synth patch and as I said previously the swirly guitar distortion. The vocal style does work for the sound for me - it reminds me of that kind of jangle pop era like the female fronted Pastels songs. In fact, there's a bit of a melodic similarity for me with their Something Going On song - although it's a male fronted tune.

I hope you can pull all this together as I think it's a strong tune and I like a lot of the various elements on it. I don't know if you've got real drums waiting in the pipeline, but I think they'd really help in working out how to finish off this song once they were in place
 
i like it
reminds me of early 80s girl new wave pop or something like this. perfect voice and singing for this vibe
with real drums it would be even better
didn't like the lead-guitar starting at 1:30. really doesn't fit for me stylisticly (no offense)
maybe a repeated clean jangly guitar riff/melody would fit better. or some keys. cheap transistor organ comes to mind


peace
 
Rob,
Not doubled or delayed - just a slowly increasing dollop of chorus.
It does cause problems with mouth noise & sses but it was an experiment.
Thanks for the encouragement. We'll get it right.
the swirling synth patch is actually a guitar effect I pulled together in an old Yamaha FX500. Cool stuff if the right chords are played.
Dr SR,
Ta, FTG's vox most remind me of Kirsty MacColl so that's fits in with 80's jangle pop. I play around with your ideas.
 
Wow, FTG's all over town this week. Really cool song... arrangement-wise the repetition of the "I keep a close watch" phrase gets a little too much for me toward the end of the song, and I'm hearing the pitchiness that Armistice mentioned at the end of the lines though it's very slight and probably wouldn't even factor if the vocal levels were dropped. Also in this mix I think the disparity between the up-front instruments and the background instruments is kind of heavy...I'd like to hear certain things louder, like the jangly and swirly gits- might fill up more space in the middle, if that makes sense. And, as mentioned, the guitar solo is a little dad-bloozey for this particular tune. It does have some decent potential and I'm anxious to hear how it progresses.
 
It's fine, but I think it would be even better if you axed some verses and slowed it way down. It would have more power if it weren't so bouncy. A de-esser on the vocal would be nice, too.
 
Sounds good. I like the simplicity of the mix, allowing the vocals to carry the song. The drums are kinda (very) boring. I would have used all those cool tracks in the background to cover up those drums a bit. It sounds a little dry to me overall, with the drums just looping away. I think it has a cool indie kind of sound as is but I would have tried my best to cover the drums (tambourine?) and used more of the backing tracks and verbed and panned things to make a bigger space. Overall I liked the song it has a vibe that catches your attention for sure.

Strat
 
Hey ray...I think you've gotten a lot of good advice already. I've been listening along the whole time and just re-listened to mix 3.

I like a lot of the individual elements well enough and enjoy the work that both of you do...the arrangement/mix isn't quite coming together for me yet.

Like I think some others have said, the guitar solo seems a bit perfunctory, like it drops in out of nowhere. It's not bad itself in any way other than not blending in so much. The lyrics are a little repetitive and there are a lot of them. The Girl sounds a little more tentative on this which might work better if it were a slower, mellower number maybe. I like some of the guitar sounds a lot. The drums detract more than anything at this point.

Just my .02...I trust there will be subsequent versions and I will listen to each as they become available. Thank you.
 
Listened to the 3rd mix, It sounds great but I think.. this is just an opinion.. the hook needs to be more distinct. Maybe by adding an instrument or 2 during the hook?
 
The hook, in this song, a melodic repetition of an obsession which is a recurring pattern throughout the song albeit conveyed through variable language.

all the best

Tim
 
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