Seedy Side of Heaven

R

Robus

Well-known member
Another song demo with my vocals and programmed drums. The plan is to give real drums and a great singer. All comments welcome. Thanks!

Latest mix:
Seedy Side of Heaven_Ray Taylor_Mix 8.mp3 - Google Drive

Seedy Side of Heaven
Words and music by Ray Taylor, 2017

The morning kicks off early
Cop lights blinking on the lawn
The details of last night are blurry
Though the salient points are known
Hitch up to the station
To pick up your car and keys
Seems the tighter wire I’m walking
The shorter is my leash

So we’re parking in your trailer
Connoisseurs of hand-me-outs
Last year’s outlook was bullish
Till the bank totaled the T Bird out
Sweet dreams of Sangri La
Guess we learned what they’re about
And while the lottery may yet deliver
The forecast otherwise is drought

Gimme a few more weeks with you
I’ll be walking on the seedy side of heaven

Tonight comes wrapped in velvet
Whiff of voodoo in the air
And the evening’s hot and surly
Breath of bayou in your hair
Things we do on a summer night
Are better done than mentioned
Let me say in brief and I repeat
You sure got my attention

Ever since I’ve been with you
I’ve been walking on the seedy side of heaven
And every day I spend with you
That’s time enough to break my heart in two
Leave me crying adieu

Ever since I’ve been with you
I’ve been walking on the seedy side of heaven
 
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Really good groove on this song. I love the bass line. Mix sound pretty good. Well balances to my ears.
Great work Robus
 
So I'm trying to only listen to the guit/keys/bass and arrangement if the drums and vox will be replaced.
Bass does sound pretty nice.
The hard-left guitar could use some space in the verses. It sounds almost like a dry DI. I'd try to get its tone closer to the far-right lead or closer to what it is in the chorus.
Drums are a little punch for the song, so I'd recommend keeping an eye on that when you put in live ones.
 
I'd replace "as you know" with something else. Seems like a last second choice, sort of a filler where nothing else relevant could be thought up. Give it a little more thought, it's an important line.

It's hard to comment without finished vocals since everything else is in context of them, and they can make or break it. I'd say it's pretty darn fine as it is now. Drum patterns and fills might be holding it back. Just my thoughts
 
I like it - despite my critique :listeningmusic:

At 3:43, it seems a little long for a song which doesn't convey a more descriptive story. Nearly all of your phrases are impressions and vague thoughts, which are ok but these are only flashes of the whole story in your head. I think fewer verses which are more descriptive and to the point would work well. Trim it back to around 3:15 or so.

I think your best lines here are:

"Tonight comes wrapped in velvet
Whiff of voodoo in the air
And the evening’s hot and surly
Breath of bayou in your hair
Things we do on a summer night
Are better done than mentioned
Let me say in brief and I repeat
You sure got my attention"

And I agree that the line "As you know" (as well as "Leave me crying adieu" and "As we know") could be better.

"Salient" in the first verse seems out of place - sort of a high-brow word in a low-brow conversation. Maybe replace that line with "Though what needs knowin' now is known" - letting that ring out before begining the next line.

I'm getting a definite Steeley Dan vibe from this tune. I think the bass line may account for this.
 
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It sounds good overall. Slightly muddy in the 200-400hz range, and the guitars can use a hair of compression because on some harder chords they're spiking. Just a hair.
 
The drums are kind of far forward. Since they're going to be replaced, I'd back them off so we can hear the other tracks.

To me the bass has kind of a boingy sound. Maybe a little strong in the low end.

The guitars sound good to my ear. The keys and the guitar parts work well together.
 
Love this verse,

The morning kicks off early
Cop lights blinking on the lawn
The details of last night are blurry
Though the salient points are known
Hitch up to the station
To pick up your car and keys
Seems the tighter wire I’m walking
The shorter is my leash

reminds me of my ex wife.:D

would like to hear it with real drums. I like it.
 
I really like the guitars. The mix is pro. The only thing holding it back is the vocal phrasing and pitch. There's nothing wrong with wordy or having your own style but it's bordering on being tough to get thru. I listened to it twice. It feels like words were forced to hard into the spaces. But don't get me wrong it's good. Just needs those edits to take it to the next level in this one man's opinion. Reminds me a bit of Neil Young. Mix is done. Maybe could be a bit louder. (I know I know)
 
Cool bassline, Robus, and nice guitar tones again. A little spikey at times still like Nola said, but not harsh at all. Not sure if you've tried compressing them a little or not yet, but a touch of an 1176 plug on them would probably do the job and sound great. If you already did something like that, then maybe just up the attack a tad more.

Really like the two lead lines playing with each other at the 2:34 mark, in the pre-chorus I think it was (and again at 3:20). The melody at 3:10 is great, nice stuff there, had to listen a few times, super cool. Great depth with whatever subtle reverbs you're using on those leads.

The vocal sounded decent, but I don't want to analyze it too much since you plan on replacing it. Drums sounded good, but I know you're replacing those too.

Very good song overall.
 
Thanks Johnny. No reverb on my guitars, ever, or any ITB FX besides a high pass at about 100Hz. I'm bucking conventional wisdom and tracking all my guitar FX. In this case, it's just delay.
 
Everything seems REALLY tight. At the beginning I was thinking Chris Isaak then with your voice sounds a lot like something David Bowie would do. Sounds great. Great mix, great vocals. Good job.
 
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